Shoulda Listened and Spontaneous Score

Hey y'all, hope everyone's week is off to a good start. I had a late night and am sleepy as hell, so I am blogging instead of doing anything productive...I really wish I was able to take naps, but I absolutely can't fall asleep during the day, unless I'm in a car.

So, remember my frustration about the major hunger issues late last week? Well, it appears my body was actually being honest in its signals. For some reason (I've been good about my meal plan for the last week) my weight has been down progressively for the past few days, not a HUGE difference but lower than what's been within my flux range since late February. No explanation there. Which would probably explain why my normal meals just haven't been satisfying me, my system knew it was dropping weight and "wanted" to avoid that. Please note that I do have a reason in reporting this and it is NOT to celebrate or promote my weight slipping down, it's just a kind of "lesson learned" that when your body is sending you signals that it needs something, chances are that it actually does. Who woulda thunk it?

An ED habit I need to kick (Tweeted about this yesterday): menu obsessing. I've gotten pretty comfortable with eating out, but if there is an online menu available for the restaurant (or even "better", nutrition info), I will spend a really stupid amount of time examining it, weighing options, agonizing over choices. And I have a typical meal I always tend to resort to in the end, so it's a largely pointless exercise. And even after all the time spent poring over the menu online, I still take a long time to decide once we get to the restaurant. I need to quit doing that.

That does present a slight score for me from yesterday: M and I went out for lunch, and I'd pre-selected ahead of time the exact sandwich and side salad I was going to order, with the customizations and everything already planned. So we get there, and they were out of the meat that I wanted for the sandwich (salmon). Total loop thrown in plans. Panic? Sort of and sort of not. I didn't want to choose a different sandwich because I didn't know the calories for anything besides what I'd picked online. This was a disordered way to view the situation, I acknowledge, because I could have easily picked/estimated something equivalent. But I was put on the spot and panicked a little and reverted to ye old boring ED favorite, the grilled chicken salad. Once I am truly fully recoverED I'm never going to order one of those damn things in a restaurant again, after so many years of feeling like it was my only option everywhere I went. I loathe the thought of them at this point, and I do still sometimes resort to them but with decreasing frequency.

So that part was a win for ED, not for Cammy.

BUT, I knew that we had a full afternoon planned and I wasn't going to be satisfied by that salad (even my huge meal plan hasn't been satisfying me this week, remember?). So on our way out of the restaurant I got a milkshake, something I had absolutely not considered/planned for beforehand. (It was not JUST a milkshake but a Bailey's milkshake...I'm on summer vacation, I can have alcohol at at 1in the afternoon, right?). So the spontaneous milkshake was a huge win that should have given the ED a pretty nasty scar.

I didn't narrate any of this inner dialog to M, but he's pretty perceptive. He picked up on the fact that 1) having to change my order could be highly stressful and 2) the milkshake was an unusual and positive step, and his body language/face definitely told me he was pleased and proud. Reward!