I think that while I'm living on my own, in full-blast work mode during the semester, I lose sight of how extreme or atypical some of my behaviors get. Now that I'm home, co-habitating with real live normal people, it's sort of an eye opener. This stuff is frustrating for my family and for me, and at the same time I just can't let things go, and I feel like shit physically all the time (not sure why this just kicked in, maybe I was too busy to notice it before, maybe a few days of bad eating on the trip down here are still affecting me). Most of all, I hate that my mind is not in a place that lets me be the girlfriend/daughter/granddaughter/sister that I really want to be. I hate that Match even has to think about things like this, at our stage of life:
Leaving tomorrow to visit Match at his place for a few days, then he and I are coming back here (to my parents' house, have I updated since I did the big move from PhD City?) for Christmas together. I'm so, so nervous about how I'm going to handle food/exercise stuff on such a long visit schedule.
I really think the only word I can come up with that can organize my feelings at the moment is just "trapped."
