~One of the highlights was yesterday afternoon, when we went to the beach with M's family (mother, brothers, one brother's girlfriend). I gave up my afternoon routine to do it, and was pretty stressed. But when we were there, and I was kicking a soccer ball around on the beach and playing in the waves with Match, I was so incredibly happy to be doing something normal. I was having fun. I was being active, getting out in the real world engaging with people. That is the kind of thing I want to have memories of decades from now, instead of just remembering countless afternoons spent alone on my exercise machines.
~Match was appreciative of the LBD that I agonized over all week. Score.
~I love Match's family! They're funny and laid back, and they treated me like I was just one of them, so that was a positive. I was stressed about all the "obligatory" events over the weekend, but it did mean a lot that they wanted to include me in everything.
~One challenge was that M's brother's girlfriend is VERY thin. She's in medical school, so she's pretty health conscious, and she would frequently bring up food in conversations, which was pretty awkward for me. I was also self-conscious about eating in front of her in restaurants. But I had a hard time figuring her out. She seemed to eat pretty liberally at some points, and she joked about having a "food baby" after a big meal, but did honestly seem to find it funny. I see a "food baby" on myself all the time but would rather die than call people's attention to it. So anyway, I don't know how her size compares to mine because I'm not a good judge of those things, but I'm still getting used to sometimes not being the thinnest one in the room. I hope that doesn't sound bad, because I never wanted that for attention purposes, it was just usually a fact, and after 10 years of that it's still a little bit of a surprise sometimes when it's not the case. I hope that makes sense and I'm not coming off as either self-centered or triggering? Anyway, I need to get used to that, so I suppose this was good practice. My mom suggested that SHE's used to being the smallest and the only girl at those family gatherings (Match only has brothers, and only one has a girlfriend), which could be why she was kind of stand-offish at first. Dunno. We won't ever be best friends, but we got along.
~I think my stressage did open up some more communication with Match and spurred us to discuss some of those issues, so now he has a better idea of what is still challenging for me and what I can handle. It gave us the chance to score mutual points: him for being understanding and supportive, and me for going out of my way to challenge myself and participate even though it was hard.
~Even several days of crappy eating didn't really affect my weight (ie the slashed calories didn't result in any loss). Moral of that story: your body resists change even when you abuse it, so just treat it right and you'll both be happier in the end.
~Unrelated girl question: How common is it to bleed after missing just one Pill? I missed one Saturday night, didn't notice any effects til this afternoon, but now I am definitely affected and not at all happy with the situation.
Ok, that's all for now. By the way, Google Analytics tells me readership is a bit down...let me know if y'all have any requests for posts/topics! Remember I'm Cammy4B on Formspring. I have a couple of questions lined up right now, sorry I couldn't get to them sooner, was tied up all weekend! But they are in the pipeline, promise.
5 comments:
That's interesting about the other girlfriend. I'm always kind of wary about other women who are really thin... Some women are naturally thin, but I can usually pick up on vibes if someone is hyper food conscious, and that makes me uncomfortable. Most of the time, I assume people don't give a crap what I'm eating, but if I'm around a food-conscious female (an FCF), I am suddenly in the spotlight (or so it feels). I have to remember to just focus on myself, but it's not always easy.
I like your moral of the story: your body resists when you abuse it, so just treat it right and you'll both be happier in the end. The body is pretty amazing that way. I know I can go a couple days of eating "off" and nothing happens. But, over time, my body gives up and says, "Sheesh, I tried to keep you ok, but I've had it!" I guess it's good to just see that if we undereat or overeat, it's probably fine in small doses. Things balance out, generally.
As for missing a pill... I think I missed a pill only once (haha, perfectionist much?). Nothing happened, but I know my sister missed one and had to double up and got very nauseated. She didn't say anything about bleeding though. If you get back on schedule, the bleeding should go away. Sometimes if a cycle is off, I've heard you can have breakthrough bleeding though. Good luck!
I'm glad to hear that your weekend with Match and his family went well! I can completely relate to your awareness of Match's brother's girlfriend and her size/eating habits/attitudes about food. I find that I am still a little too observant about that type of stuff- secretly wondering, does she have an ED? Is she naturally that thin? And I do pick up pretty well on subtle cues of disordered-ness so I'm usually relieved if it doesn't seem like they're also hyperconscious of me and my habits (because being watched/observed eating still gives me some anxiety since it makes ME aware as well.)
It sounds like you're doing well though- and I agree with Kim, your advice about treating your body right is beyond true!
That's great you get along with his family so well. It's always a great sign for any relationship.
You do need to double up once to catch up where you were before you missed a day on the pill. Bleeding is pretty common when missing the pill, especially the first couple months you start taking it.
Don't forget, you need to use another form of contraceptive for the rest of the month until after your next period. You can get pregnant after you miss a pill, even if you do the doubling up thing...
I am glad you mentioned the other girlfriend. Not being the smallest somewhere is still weird and unsettling for me (I'm not naturally tiny and I am guite tall) but I got better in not comparing myself with everyone in the room.
The sad story is that medical students - although they know every corner of their body - often doesn't achieve their "healthy" shapes in healthy ways. Boy I know I am not a person who should preach about it after years of eating disorder, but I know too many med students (not only female) who abuse their body with inapropriate eating, throwing uo, exercising, lack of sleep, drugs and food supplements... it is the pressure and some kind of "moral" that doctor should be kind of role model for his/her patients. And patiets see only what they see, not what their doctors do in the lunch break or in the night.
Ok sorry for my rambling, I definitely don't want to say Match's broter's girlfriend has some eating issues (after years of ED not being paranoid is sometimes hard)! Just that we should be prepared that EDs are sadly much more common than it seems.
I don't know which kind of pills you receive, but actually you shouldn't bleed after one missed pill (except you are somewhere near the end of the cycle). But I wouldn't be worried if the bleeding goes away after continuing your normal schedule. The hormones and their sensitiity are sometimes miracle.
Just wanted to say I always enjoy reading your posts, Theyre always a nice recap of what goes on in your life and mind. Thanks for being so relatable. (is that a word??) No specific requests for posts, its just interesting listening to how someone else's mind processes their ED and recovery.
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