Break in Momentum

So, although last week was successful in terms of meeting challenges, for some reason I'm really struggling over the past couple of days. Kind of a break in momentum. My goal for this week is supposed to be 4 days of half-exercise. I did that on Wednesday with no problem, and intended to do it yesterday, but had a REALLY hard time, both with physical discomfort (body ickies) and mental anxiety over it.

I also found myself feeling like I HAD to go to the gym if it was going to be a half day, because I can use a more intense machine there then I had at home. This bothered me, because I know that panicky "I must do this or else" voice does not come from a healthy place.

I ended up not going to the gym. I wish I could claim it was a feat of willpower and psychological fortitude, but in reality I was on the fence and then realized I had left my iPod at home, which was the straw that broke the camel's back. I can tolerate the monotony of exercise machines ONLY if I have something to tickle my brain while I'm doing it.

I skipped the gym, but ended up going over my exercise limit for the day. Not to full, but not close enough to half to please C. And even though I did more than the half, and am doing a full today, I still feel so...I'm not sure, just blah and with an extremely nonexistant appetite.

On a positive note, I did ok with a surprise challenging situation this morning: at the end of my early class, someone announced that they were going out for breakfast and everyone was welcome to join. At a place I'd never heard of before, and had no idea what to expect as far as menu. I am REALLY working hard at building my social network in my new city, and I like the people in this class quite a bit. Still...I had planned to go home to eat (I don't have any other classes, and work from home a few days a week so G. doesn't have to be an orphan pup), and had already mapped out my meal in my head.

But honestly, if I went home I was going to eat the same breakfast I eat several days a week. There will be another opportunity for that. So I went along to breakfast, and ate, and had a good time. Spontaneous eating out is HUGE for me. I can't tell you how many times I have passed up such invitations. I am just so tired of missing opportunities to connect to other people as if I were indeed a real person, you know?

I know that what I had at the restaurant (which was pretty light and boring, as menu items go, but it was what I could handle), was about the same or even less than what I normally have, so I'm not panicked over compensating for that, but I am still feeling totally...dunno, not wanting to eat today. I'm not saying I'm not going to eat, don't get me wrong, I'm just having a hard time thinking of something I want that will get all my cals in without making me feel too full than my brain can handle right now.

My appetite has actually been down all week. I'm not sure if this is because I've been following the rules on reducing exercise. But I am under strict orders NOT to decrease cals, supposedly I'm only eating enough for someone my age even without the workouts, which seems to be supported by my lack of significant weight gain despite cutting exercise time.

The only other possible cause that sticks out in my mind is the Provera? Took my last dose last night. In case anyone is interested, the only side effect I noticed (besides the lack of appetite) was a little bit of a breakout on my back, but then again I was only on it for 5 days. Now I'm supposed to wait and see if the drop-off of progesterone after having it boosted this week will kickstart a period, assuming my system was able to build up the uterine lining in response to the hormone, like it was supposed to. TMI alert! Sorry. Starting the Pill on Sunday, that should be interesting.

So kind of a blah day, just needed to process that a bit.