This week is going better. Better, meaning I don't constantly feel like dissolving into tears. Ok it is better than that, I am a lot calmer and more balanced, last week was rough. M's bday was this week, and I rocked the food challenges. We ate out for dinner the night before and bfast the day of, and I had good portions of "real" foods both times. Score.
Also, I've been HELLA busy with school/research stuff this week. That is not a bad thing, I tend to do best when I have a lot to work on, it keeps me busy and gives me a sense of accomplishment when I finish. I think one of the reasons I've been so unhappy since I moved here is that there just isn't as much going on at this school to keep me busy, to push me, etc. Grad school is turning out to be a joke compared to undergrad.
The bad:
Have not only not done any challenge days with exercise for over a week, but have been inching back up above what the new threshold was. Including adding running again, which I gave up about about 3 years ago due to bad knees. I am not running for anywhere NEAR what I used to, and not every day, and am doing it outside, instead of my former ritual treadmill sessions so that I could have all "my data" spread out in front of me in LED. So those are my "but but" caveats, but I know I need to keep tabs on myself to make sure I'm still running because I love it (I do) instead of a disordered sense of obligation.
Definitely feeling the drain/lack of energy after over a week of pushing it past the max again. And have so much work to do (see above), I need to reassert my priorities and do better with that next week, it's not as if I don't have anything else I could be spending that burned time on.
The ugly:
OB/GYN appointment later this morning. :/
10 comments:
No offense, C, but if you are adding exercise at ALL you are doing it out of a disordered sense of obligation :/
Even if you are replacing something else with running, it sounds like you shouldn't be doing the original thing either. So no me gusta.
I hope this did not offend you. I know it is really hard to ascertain what "you" want vs what "ed" wants and I may be overstepping boundaries to tell you "I think..." but I care about you.
On the plus side, way to rock the eating challenges! And I'm so glad school is finally giving you something challenging!
Happy Belated birthday!
I'm glad that you had an enjoyable experience on your birthday.
I'm glad you're being honest on your blog with "the ugly," and I know how those exercise compulsions can get in the way of moving forward- so keep pushing my dear, and don't let the ED throw you into that :)
way to go eating out! i have had to give up running but hope to strengthen my knees again. any advice? how has running again felt on your knees?
ob-gyn appts are the worst! Hope all goes well :)
Way to go with the eating challenges! That's awesome! The OBGYN won't be so bad, I promise ;) I think I share some of Sarah's apprehensions about the running, but you know yourself best! As long as you're honest with yourself about your needs, I think you'll be OK.
How are your knees doing?
Is the exercise a compensatory behavior? If so then you need to talk about it with someone.
I'm glad your rocking the food challenges. Real food is the best.
Good luck with the OB/GYN appointment, at least it'll be a relief when it's over! Well done with the food challenges :) I hope you can get back on track with the exercise challenges, I know how easy it is to let activity level sneak up and how hard it is to cut back down. Good luck!
I guess I'm weird since I don't find ob-gyn appointments anything more than a minor inconvenience. Rationally I can see why others would, but I'm generally able to just shrug it off. I don't say this for any reason other than to reassure that they really can be okay.
Please be careful with the running. Old traps are so easy to fall into, and running is such a dangerous sport in terms of the physical damage it can do to anyone's body.
were you checking in with your doctor about the pill? hope that's going well. (i have a colonoscopy tomorrow morning, so i know all about dreading doctors appts.)
so glad you could eat out and handle it. eating out a couple times in a row is really challenging. good for you!!!!
re; exercise. i'm not an exerciser, so it's easy for me to say that it seems problematic that you're running if it's painful or potentially harmful to your body. but i don't if it is problematic. and i do know all about wanting very much to do things that are problematic.
Great job on eating on Match's birthday! Be careful, Cam, about the exercise. It's easy to think "I just enjoy exercise" without realizing that it is motivated by a disordered obsession. I'm not going to tell you to not run or to stop exercising, but I'd be willing to bed that you're doing more of it out of obligation (vs. choice and enjoyment) than you realize. Basically, I agree with what Sarah said. I really would encourage you to get back to your new, lower threshold of exercise. You're at least thinking in healthy ways.. you're realizing that with less exercise, you can spend time on things that matter more.
Hang in there, Cammy!
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