Not just genetically, but I'm so scared that I'll never have the behaviors enough under control to not trigger whatever hereditary misfortune I did happen to pass on. I know it's complicated, and I do NOT JUDGE anyone with an ED that does choose to have a child, again there is no disapproval here of that at all (don't be mad at me, I'm too much a people-pleaser to handle that!). No two cases are the same and I know people with EDs that are fantabulous mothers with amazing, healthy kids. Any statements made on this blog reflect upon my personal neuroses alone, I assure you. My mom had never been on a diet in her life when I developed anorexia, but I have a strong family history of that and other depressive/obsessive/addictive disorders. Some people with no family history will develop it. Some people with actively disordered parents turn out just fine, others don't. There is no rule. Just sharing my personal gut fear about the issue. Slight tie in to my last post about P!nk's new single: I think I heard she's pregnant, I got the feeling the song was conceived with a message to her child in mind, as we see at the end of the video.
And another one in today's hit parade was this:
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10 comments:
wow that post-secret brings me to tears. what a scary thought.
I feel the same way as you. Given the prevalence of mental health problems in my family, with mine being so severe at times, I don't think there would be much chance of any child of mine not having problems. My current boyfriend has had depression too, which just makes things more risky. Despite having all my hormones in working order again my mind hasn't changed with recovery, I'm 99% sure I won't be having children (excepting possible accidents!).
I've had similar thoughts to both of those postcards. I talked to C. when I was seeing her about the whole genetic thing and having kids. If I remember correctly, I was a bit teary too.
In regards to the second one, I am always interested in knowing if my high school friends knew I was dealing with an ED.
My dad told me a story once about a childhood friend he knew who had this secret passageway through the house. My dad thought it was really cool. It turns out, the kid was so ashamed because his mother was an alcoholic and might be passed out. It is a reminder you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Had he known what he knows now, I think he would have tried to help his friend.
I watched that Pink video. Powerful stuff. The end really got to me because I felt like a screw up for most of my life (though like the girls in the video much of what I went through was not my fault) but I have come full cirlce and now I am a mom and I would do anything to make sure my girls know that they are loved and perfect just as they are.
P.S. I love Tina Majorino (girl in the video), she is so expressive and was such a great actor as a child too. did you ever see "When a Man Loves a Woman" with Meg Ryan? She was the older daughter in that movie; her performance broke my heart.
In retrospect, I'm almost positive a boy I went to elementary school with was being abused. No clue where he is now (they moved away at the end of sixth grade), but I think of him sometimes and hope that he's made it out okay.
I, honestly, was terrified to have kids. For many reasons but my ED was def. one of them. I have to say though that they have been miracles in my life. While it is not the child's duty to fix the parent, their arrival has been the catalyst for huge changes in my life that I might have been too scared to do otherwise.
As for your FB question - that one I can relate to as well. Except for me, I want to message everyone who knew me when I was dating my abusive ex-bf and ask them if a) they noticed and b) why didn't they help me?? I actually HAVE messaged some of them but they all turned out so disastrously that I quit doing that pretty quickly. (upshot: Nobody remembers anything really or else they're still friends with him and don't want to "take sides." Argh!)
I have 4 boys, and have always been glad that I didn't have girls, even though i know that boys can have eating disorders also.
i often often, think about the repercutions of my anorexia to future life, pregnancy, and my own children. i must admit, it scares me to death to think my child may hold the same brain malfunctions and malnutrition i suffered for so long.
but as a candidate for a lasting recovery, keeping malnutrition at bay is the key to changing yor own genetic code, thus changing your epigenetics and promoting a healthy fetal environment for children :)
Post secret always kind of gave me chills...I don't rule out having kids, but I know that I for sure dont want any at the moment and possibly ever. That might change though, I never make definite decisions about my life. I used to think I'd be thin forever and that decision obviously changed! I had the most wonderful, supportive, self-loving parents and yet I was plagued with hatred towards myself and my body. Honestly, I think have a good idea on what to do/not do to raise a child with a healthy attitude towards food. But I'm not a fan of babies. Dont think I'm evil, I just dont like them.
Nearly all of us are born with challenges. I would say that a parent who is educated and aware of their challenges and genetic weaknesses would be better armed than the majority of people having children now and throughout history.
That being said, there is no mandate on having children. A happy and fulfilled life stems from either path provided the person dedicates themselves to creating a happy and fulfilled life.
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