Trip got off to a bit of a rocky start because they left my bags behind at a layover and I didn't get them until about 24 hours after I got here. Luckily I had a friend with a rental car that could take me to Wal-Mart for essentials. My suitcase also had all my backup food, but that turned out to not be a big issue because the food court here (part of the conference is a free ticket to eat there for bfast and lunch) actually has decent options.
So yesterday I got in about 1/2 my daily workout before I left home, and then spent a ton of time walking around airports. And still cut some calories, but did decently overall. Today I had FULL calories despite the fact that my only exercise was walking around campus (and not superfluous walking. It was 40 damn degrees here today, with freezing rain, and my umbrella and warm clothes were in my suitcase). I told myself it was to make up for cutting despite a lot of energy output yesterday, but I am FREAKING OUT and feeling disgusting. And, to be completely honest, all that was on my mind this evening was ways to cut tomorrow to make up for it.
BUT this is an awesome meeting and tomorrow is the most important part for me, the day when the sessions most relevant to my research are being held AND when I'll be giving my own presentation. Feeling like I don't have the option to punish myself just pisses me off more, does that make any sense at all?
Ok don't know how positive this post is. Been doing awesome so far with eating but feeling bad about it. Knees are already responding to lessened workouts, I think, which is awesome! Still pain but seems to be reducing.
I'm in a jet-lagged/caffeinated state that means I'm too jittery to relax but not focused enough to accomplish much. Blah.
But to end on a positive note, I love my job and I love being in this field of study and meeting these people and getting new ideas. This trip is stressful but it IS worth it. Today I had breakfast with one of the researchers that wrote the book I had in my backpack on the plane. On nerd cloud 9, my friends!!!
3 comments:
I actually think it's really good that you have a presentation tomorrow. I know how important your career is to you and so this should force you to continue doing the right thing with food/exercise. I know that eating disorders can lead us to make really stupid, shortsighted, not-in-our-best interest decisions and trades, but I know that I could always count on school and my future academic career as being important enough to make me suffer the emotional consequences for doing the thing that would help me perform the best. I imagine it's the same for you since I suspect we are both equally hardheaded about succeeding academically. Surely getting in an allotted exercise or restricted calorie amount can't be as important as your career, right? Just keep that in mind and keep your priorities in front of you and I know you can do well. Enjoy the trip!
How fantastic that you love your area of study/work so much! I think this passion has, in the past, (and will now too) really helped you to go against the eating disordered urges. You can do it, Cam. Keep your eye on the prize :)
Holy moly, I can identify. At my first conference I saw one of the authors of my undergrad and grad textbooks... I poked my advisor, who was sitting next to me and whispered, "Was that __ from __ and __?" And he said, "Probably...?" I was admittedly starstruck. The advisor thought this was hilarious.
Science/career/lab sometimes feels like the only thing that keeps me motivated to move forward with the whole recovery thing. Enjoy the rest of your conference! ALL parts of it! Sending loads of encouragement and positive energy.
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