I think the reason I'm feeling blah and ambivalent in general right now is actually not that ED-related. I am SO frustrated about some academic issues right now that it's eating at me night and day. My graduate program is not going as I'd planned/hoped. In a nutshell, a settled for a school not as good as my undergrad institution so that I could work with a particular professor, and although he's a great adviser I still find myself feeling pretty unsatisfied and out of place. I know I'll come out with a good thesis and some solid publications, but for now I feel trapped and bored in this place. I start fieldwork next month, which should help, I LOVE my study site and was so incredibly happy there when I made my preliminary scouting trip last year.
Things with M are going really well, which is almost unfortunate because he's moving 9 hours away next month.
I guess that's about it. I'll have something more themed/substantial soon, just know that I appreciate all of y'all and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about you and wish you the best!
(Side note: I didn't realize that my last post was the 400th! When I first started this blog I'm not sure where I *thought* I would be 400 posts later, interesting to contemplate).
8 comments:
i hate being caught in BLEH.... i know for me overthinking and stress related things like your academics puts my head on run mode 24/7 and albeit i end up doing stupid things. hope you get some relaxation and destressing stuff going on! maybe a salt bath, nails done, tanning, walk in park etc will help out? or at least help get ya outta neutral and in first gear!
I've had a very similar experience in grad school, but I've recently decided I'm glad that I've gotten this experience. If nothing else, it gives me a better idea of what exists out there.
Oh no, M is moving away? Yikes. That can bring up all kinds of anxieties and Hard Questions. If you want to talk/vent about long-distancing, shoot me an email.
Good luck at the field site - I hope that takes your mind off of some of the disappointment you're feeling.
Happy 400! Sounds like you're dealing with some difficulties... even if on the surface they're "not a big deal," they can have a cumulative effect. Hope it all looks up soon!
<3 <3
Happy 400+1 anniversary!
I am sorry about your graduate prgram:/ I think I understand how being unsatisfied with academic issues makes you feel blocked ED wise. I am now in school and lab where I always dreamt to be and it is really one of biggest motivations for going forward (well I don't have any Match, so that I can't compare it). But whatever you do with passion and love you can't be on the wrong place. You have so much ahead Cammy! I hope your trip will give you the joy and motivation again. And Match- as I said I am pretty unexperienced in this way, but I know several long-distance relationship that work. Everything is going to be ok.
Boo to moving Match :( What is your plan when he moves?
Also, I can commiserate about grad school. I wish I had done any program but mine in terms of my enjoyment of the program, but hey, it opens a ton of doors for me and I think I'll be so glad in the future that I did it. I hope you find yourself at a similar place/position soon. I also hope you enjoy your field study as it approaches.
hey girl, i juts found your blog and wanted to let you know that youre not alone. i'm so thankful for this community bc i'm inspired by rock stars like youe very single day.
here for you and looking forward to reading more. never forget your strength, nor your beauty
xo bec
Happy 400th! Hopefully the next 400 gets progressively more positive! :-)
Sorry about all your issues currently...I hope you find a little window in that blocked room you are in right now, so that you can breathe...even a small window, can release some good energy into you.
Hugs and best wishes to you, Cammy.
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