Question: what is the most tactful way to explore seeing a different staff member within the same practice? I really don't think it's going to work out with my new therapist. I don't know how they assigned me to her in the first place. There are two psychologists and a couple of clinical social workers in the practice, all of which do EDs, but I never did any intake survey to see who I'd be most compatible with. I have stuck with it for three sessions now, to give things a chance to work out, and I won't deny that some of her advice is pertinent and thought provoking. But she still makes strange and unhelpful comments. Yesterday we were discussing challenges in being spontaneous, etc, and she actually said "And if you need to, have that meal out with friends and
just come home and do an extra 30 minutes of exercise to relieve the anxiety." At first I assumed she was being sarcastic, because I have been explicit with her about the extremity of my exercise issues, but she was dead serious. Also, I think she has a definite problem with the fact that I am not religious. And she makes comments all the time that seem to assume that I have no interest and never get any pleasure out of food, that total "anorexics never eat" stereotype. And I just get this general feeling that she is not listening to my complete answers/comments before she judges them.
I don't think this is what I need right now.
I am really nervous about how to go about requesting someone else. My referral hasn't even processed yet, so I can't just pack up and go someplace else right away without owing them a ton of money and a lot of hassle with my insurance company.
Has anyone else ever requested to switch to a different person in-house?
12 comments:
I think it's good that you've given in a few sessions to feel it out. I would be uncomfortable with her comments too. If someone told me to exercise to relieve anxiety, I would take that and run with it (literally). Danger, Will Robinson, danger. Also, I'm greatly annoyed by that "anorexics don't eat" stereotype. It sounds like she doesn't really "get" it. If she's a professional, she should not feel badly if you say it's just not a match. There is absolutely nothing wrong with switching to someone new, even in the same practice. I guess it's a little awkward (like requesting a new hair dresser in the same salon), but it's for your health and happiness. That is worth any awkwardness.
First off, glad that you tried to see if this therapist was compatible. It doesn't sound like a good fit.
Sometimes, assigning is completely random or whoever may fit your schedule at that time. I'm pretty sure this is what happened with C. ten years ago.
As for switching, I truly would not feel bad about it. People have to find who they will mesh with well, and when you just don't feel that, then it is an issue and time to move on. I'd talk with the receptionist or whoever is making the appts. and request someone else. Maybe, you can say what you are looking for and she or even the therapist you were seeing can make recommendations as to who would be a better fit. After only such a short amount of time, this therapist should be understanding if you want to see someone else.
Your health and recovery are paramount. Switching might be awkward, but if your therapist is worth her degree, she'll understand. If not, then you are DEFINITELY well shot of her.
Anyway, this probably isn't the first time this has happened.
You are so insightful and proactive... and I definitely think you should use such amazing qualities to the benefit of your recovery. If that means a new therapist... I think you should strive towards that...
(To my own selfishness... I would really like to talk a little more with you about some of your incredible strength and courage in a small town we may have in common... if you are comfortable with that I think it might help me a bit... <3)
Take care of YOU!
I agree with everyone above :) There is a balance been checking things out and not letting things go on for too long and potentially doing damage.
Seriously, when I read what she'd said I went, "OOOHHHH" loudly and my friend at the opposite end of the table to me (who is also an ed counsellor) was equally horrified when she queried what I'd just read! WOW!! And Scary and *slightly stunned*
As for requesting a change, it's quite okay to just let them know that unfortuneately you feel that this counsellor is not a good match for you and you would like a new one. Not every client will get along with every counsellor and vice versa, it does not necessarily reflect on either :).
I do hope the transition goes easily and smoothly for you with minimum amt of anxiety!!!!
xox
I think it's good that you're switching. I have never switched within the same practice before so I can't give you any helpful advice here. Maybe you have to just bite the bullet and switch and it probably won't be as awkward as you fear.
oh - and one time I had a therapist who knew my fail-to-eat-enough-and-have-difficulty-making-myself-eat-more history who suggested I go on a ten-day fast to relieve stress. she went on to describe how this fast works in detail. "For some people, fasting feels great. You should try it," She said. I made a bee-line out of her office and never went back. Worst of all, she was listed on National Eating Disorders Association website!
Good luck with switching! Don't let awkwardness of fear stop you from doing it. You need to do what is right for you.
That's a toughie. I know it might be uncomfortable, but it sounds like a switch is in order. It sounds like she isn't listening to who YOU are, and just trying to fit you into some ED stereotype instead. Think of this as a chance to practise you assertiveness. If she's any good, she'll understand.
I have switched therapist & psychiatrist within one clinical setting ... I also have added a second therapist to the one I already was seeing. It wasn't a big deal. I think the clinicians were more OK with it than I was ... b/c I felt like I was somehow offending the initial treaters.
As others have said, you were likely assigned to this therapist because she was either next in the rotation for new patients ... she was the only one accepting new patients ... she had a lighter client load ... or she was the practitioner associated with your insurance (sometimes practices have one or two clinicians who are preferred providers with one insurance group, while others have certification/approval with other groups ... while others don't assign benefits (even if the practice itself accepts insurance in general).
So, assuming your insurance will cover anyone in the practice, you could speak to either the treating psychiatrist or the current therapist and simply say you would like to meet with someone else in the practice ... that these are some of the attributes you are looking for ... and do they recommend a particular clinician?
If they want more insight into who might be a better match, I presume you signed a release for your previous therapist to communicate with them ... and she could maybe help you/them out.
It's just like having a stylist who does your hair, then finding when that one is out, that another person in the salon does it much better. It's OK to switch. It can feel awkward/might bother her ego, but everyone gets over it.
It doesn't sound like your current therapist is particularly attached to your case, and she probably senses the personality differences. And, as you say, you only have seen her three times. Besides, part of developing good boundaries, assertiveness and healthy communication and coping skills is by asking for what you want and need and expressing how you feel. That's part of what you pay these folks to help you do ... so you're doing your job as a patient by asking for a provider who can better help you reach your goals. No apologies. It's your money; your body; your health; your appointment; your care ... your life!
Dear Cammy,
I probably can't answer your question, because I've always lived in really big cities so that in case it didn't work out with a new therapist, I could try another treatment center without dealing with switching.
But there is one recently made experience I did in 2 month inpatient treatment this summer I want to share. One of two best therapists I have EVER had was not an ED specialist. It was CBT therapist specialized in anxieties and OCD and I swear I have never met anyone who has such a great insights into EDs. (This extra 30 minutes is exactly the compulsion we were trying to minimalize..).
What I want to say is that in case you didn't find anyone who you feel comfortable, safe and productive with, you can probably try some therapist with another specialization.
I wish you found her/him soon!
And congratulations to your godmother godmother-ship:)
Cammy,
I agree with Kim- the only running I would do related to this therapist is away from her. Even outside of her boneheaded and absolutely ignorant responses, it doesn't seem like a good fit for you. Trust yourself on this one. Therapists are trained in this when they go to "therapist school"- the good ones won't be offended and the bad ones don't matter anyway. I'm sure you're not the first person who hasn't been a good fit.
I waited for two years to leave a therapist who wasn't helping me at all. She just told me I should go get laid, and my ED would resolve itself. "But Carrie," she said, "be sure to use a condom." Uh, ya think?
If you feel comfortable, maybe explain to her why you're leaving. It's incredible that she wouldn't understand how inappropriate her comments are, but some people seriously don't get it. I would email rather than do it face to face because that's just me, but it's a thought.
I only gave my first therapist (clinical social worker) two tries before switching to a new one in the same clinic. But it was easy for me because she basically told me there was nothing wrong with me and she couldn't help me anymore. I simply called the office one day and asked for someone new so they made me leave a message for the first woman and then randomly assigned me to someone else who was accepting new clients.
This new woman is amazing and I have been seeing her for over a year. At our first session she told me its ok to shop for therapists and its like shopping for shoes, keep looking until you find the right fit :) So I would encourage you to "shop around." Good luck!
I totaly hope you've changed by now. It's your duty to yourself to get the help you need. Sorry it's therapy, it's about you not the therapist.
My first was so bad it took me another 7 months to find a new one. I knew it was a bad fit and bad advice and I took it anyway. I never used to be this way. Find one that you like and can work with.
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