I seriously have zero appetite. I just came out of a month with a very limited selection of very bland food, so I would have thought I'd be super excited about actually having options now (daily menu at field station was rice and eggs for breakfast, rice and beans for lunch, rice and canned tuna for dinner). But I seriously have no desire for any of it. I have, of course, been eating, but I find my utter lack of caring to be kind of interesting, because at one point I spent SO much time and mental energy obsessing over recipes and planning my food. It's made it super-easy to undercut cals, but I'm trying to get back on track with that now that I'm getting settled in with a bit of a routine.
I guess the whole appetite thing is likely stress-induced, major internal wrestling match going on right now over M. issues. And living with family again. And getting caught up on everything after being gone for a month.
And to be honest, after being in a developing country for a while, living around people who have so little, walking into a Target and seeing all the fancy extras and colorful opulence kind of ignites frustration with the world for me, rather than desire to buy a $6 box of granola.
5 comments:
Cammy.
I'm a long time reader, zero time blogger but I just wanna say this sucks big time. Please be kind to yourself and focus on the long term goal - wellness, health and happiness. Don't step back. You know the misery it brings.
x
when i read your first post back, i thought, "that sounds like me". this sounds like me too. for months i couldn't eat, because of stress. i couldn't get food past my mouth, for the first time in my life. i thought, "wow, i'm normal. under stress, normal people don't eat."
unfortunately, i got really thin and started to like it.
do you think you're in danger of that at all?
Cammy,
You have really come so far in your recovery. You might be struggling now- it's okay to admit that- and admit that maybe you need help. Please take that into consideration, and find a therapist before you get trapped in major ed hell.
I can imagine how frustrating Target would be after spending time out of the country. And cereal IS absurdly expensive. But it's so darn tasty.
I will be thinking about you and hope you are doing okay.
C, I'm so sorry this is hard.
Please remind yourself that you can't make any difference in the world unless you get yourself to a healthy place and keep yourself there. You can have the luxury to make decisions about ethical eating when you can maintain a healthy weight and have ONLY your thoughts on ethics to guide you, not the noise of an ED. At this point, whether it takes $6 or 25 cents is not a moral issue, even if ED tries to twist it that way. The highest ethical value is human life, and that includes your own. Please remember that.
Post a Comment