Baby, the way it works is...

So, another episode from the Comical Family Text files. Background: last week was super stressful, because not only did I have the Symposium of Death, but I was on placebo week for my BC pills and thus doing the menstruation thing for the first time in my LIFE. So this is what I sent to my mom on my way into the event Saturday morning:

Cammy: My heels are blistering my feet, I can't breathe when I sit down in this skirt, I have a mascara flake in my contact lens, and I have been bleeding for six days straight. I'm gonna punch the next man that I see.

Mom: Baby, the way it works is that even if you don't have a *reason* to punish a man, chances are he DID do something to deserve it that you just haven't found out about yet.

Words of wisdom . . . and apologies to any male readers, you know I love y'all!

I've been honored with a blog award from the lovely Rachael over at Ruby Converse and Curls:

1) What physical feature do you love about yourself?

I like my eye color. And I have always thought I had nice shoulders, even though I don’t really know what it is that makes a shoulder nice. And although I often voice frustrations about my hair, I’m actually glad it’s mine. It’s kind of like a mischievous child that you can’t help but love…

2) How do you personally take care of yourself?

Hmmm, good question. I have gotten much better about “using my voice” to speak up when I need something or if something is bothering me. For a long time I was very timid and submissive and pretty much just played doormat. I've found that people do respect honesty, and speaking up about something is the best way to just get it addressed and move on, rather than putting up with less than tolerable conditions, which strain any situation/relationship.

Another one: even on really bad body days, I stick to my meal plan. I still do have slip-ups at times, I won’t claim to be perfect, but in general I just put on my big girl face and do what I know I need to, because I have learned that putting myself into a state of deprivation just gets me even more whacked out and unable to deal.

3)What are you looking forward to?

Summer travels! I’ve got 4 states and 2 foreign countries on my itinerary for the next few months.

4) Who has aided your recovery the most?

The psychologist (H) I saw when I was at my undergrad school. I don’t know if I’d be here today if she hadn’t been so patient and persistent with me, honestly. I was not an easy patient at first, but she refused to fire me like the previous therapists, and helped me to get into the mindset of truly wanting to get better. No one can “save you” from an ED, but having the right resources at the right time can make such a world of difference in the journey.

5) What was the very last thing you ate?

Well the exact last thing that was in my mouth was a Life-Saver. But the last “real food” I had was a rice/black beans/sunflower nut butter concoction I invented. I used to have a big hang up about not mixing foods, but over the past few months I seem to have moved past that, I’ve been experimenting with a lot of combo bowls lately.

6) What is one material thing you are dying to have right now?

A new digital camera! Mine is about 5 years old now, and I really need something with better specs for taking close-ups of small things I find while hiking.

7) If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

I want to see the Great Barrier Reef, because I don’t think it is going to make it out of my lifetime intact.

8)What is/was your biggest fear food, and how will/did you conquer it?

I still don’t eat pasta in restaurants. I actually LOVE pasta and cook it all the time at home, but there are still some control freakish issues going on here. Dating Match has gotten me way more experienced/comfortable with restaurant eating, and I’m slowly working up to challenging myself with some pasta orders.

9)What are your dreams for after ED?

To be able to live in the moment and not have to “check in” with the disorder before making every decision!

10) What advice would you give to someone concerning eating disorders?

Even when it seems hopeless, it’s not.

One last random item, and then I'm back to working on my paper:

I got a Formspring question relevant to the text conversation with my 17 year old brother that I linked to above (here's the link again if you don't want to scroll for it, and here's a post with a bit of background on his situation, which is also referenced in this question, and another funny text convo). Remember I am Cammy4B on both Formspring and Twitter.

You shared a hilarious text conversation on your blog a while ago, where you and one of your brothers were joking about therapists. You mentioned that your brother was struggling with depression. How is he doing?

He seems to have good days and bad, although I don't think his lows are as low as they were a year or so ago. For a while my mom was keeping all her medicines locked up, because she was afraid of how desperate he seemed. His girlfriend does not have a very stable home life, and I think that he feels quite a bit of pressure to fill in for everyone in her life that has disappointed her, which is an impossible burden. So his moods seem to be tightly correlated to hers. They decided against medication, and he is still seeing a therapist twice a month. He is insanely intelligent and insightful, yet he has rock bottom self-esteem. I wish I knew how to fix that for him, but then again I know from experience that no one can ever "fix" anyone else, they have to grow into health themselves. I am hoping that once he gets into college, and is in a more intellectual environment (not dealing with school bus bullies, etc), he will come into his own a bit more. Thanks for the thoughtful question!