First day back after my almost week-long travels, and I've really made an effort to get back on track with my eating, which admittedly has been very poor all month. I've done well with getting in more calories today, almost up to baseline, but I feel massively blobby and gross, even though I know it's impossible to have gained 10 pounds in the last 12 hours. And that even if I HAD, I could afford it. Anyway, the point is that I'm trying to grit my teeth and not fall out of the saddle as I try to clamber back into it.
On the plus side, I had a great weekend with Match, as always. It felt much more like a birthday weekend, and I was pampered beyond all reason. ;) The one food victory of the weekend was my actual birthday dinner (not actually on my birthday, but the night we went to a fancy restaurant and he gave me my present). I ordered the item on the menu that I thought looked most appealing, instead of the one that looked like it had the least calories, and I actually ate the entire portion. I don't usually post food specifics, but this was so good: pistachio-almond crusted tilapia with lavender honey butter. Granted, I'd done a bit of "saving up" calories that day, but usually I would have chickened out from trying something for which I had no idea of nutrition data.
Match and I did have a serious talk/cry about my ED stuff, I told him I've been struggling since my research trip in October. He still swears he's oblivious to subtle weight changes. and I think he's very worried that part of my struggles is wanting to stay thin for him. When I told him that at one point when we've been dating I weighed XX pounds more than I do now, he looked surprised and commented "Well I honestly have no idea when that was, but you looked beautiful because you always do." Smooth talker, that Match....although I do tend to believe his claim that he doesn't notice the changes as much as I do. Overall it was a great weekend, is always hard to leave, he's way too good to me.
So, working to get back on the wagon and hold on for dear life. I'm tired of feeling the way I have this month.
3 comments:
Good luck with your eating. sounds like you're working really hard.
i really do think men don't notice exact weight - although i know my boyfriend likes it when i gain noticeable weight because it means more curves. and from his reaction, i have to believe him (at least at some level, i believe him.)
wouldn't it be nice if it were easier?!
Good point. When I visited Match in September I had definitely gained weight since the last time I saw him, but his only comment about it at all was "Um, is it ok to say that I like that They're bigger?" LOL
I'm so glad that you were able to enjoy your birthday dinner!! Holler for your food victory!! As you focus on getting back on track keep that feeling of pride you felt over eating what sounded good vs. lowest calories. Eventually the little steps add up to a change in overall behavior and attitude. Keep on fighting!!!
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