One of the hardest things in recovery is the almost-inevitable outgrowing of clothes during weight gain.
Some items are more forgiving than others. Jogging pants can endure for a decent amount of time/pounds; big sweatshirts are like islands of calm in the storm. Jeans can be frustrating enough to turn your hair into snakes and your breath into fire. T-shirts are forgiving, knit sweaters not so much. Shoes will love you forever and ever.
So, I have dealt with that in a piecemeal fashion over the last 2 or so years of this stab at recovery. One task I have been putting off is doing an Official Undie Audit. Underwear are about in the middle of the pack in terms of forgiving-ness, but now I am at the point where I really just need to get some of them out of sight and out of mind. It rarely comes up in casual conversation, so you may not know this about me, but the fact is that I actually really like cute panties, etc, and have quite a collection of them. To the point that right now my drawer of drawers overfloweth, and something must be done. Plus, it should not be expected that I wear the same damn panty size that I did when I was 13, and an anorexic 13-year-old to boot. (Not that I still have underwear in my drawer from 10 years ago, but you get the point, I hope.)
But as of today, all of the obnoxiously itsy bitsy panties are going to the dumpster. I am trying to keep in mind that when my sorry excuse for an ass was actually small enough to fit into them, it was usually bruised and tormented from sitting on hard seats at school, workout friction, etc. Butt band-aids are def unsexy, no?
I had mixed feelings (read: panic and disgust) about actually having a derrière again when I started gaining weight, but it has kind of grown on me (pun intended, I won't lie). It's not a bad one, as butts go. I would have shared a pic of that too, but I didn't want to further reward any pervs that might have stumbled on this post using the "panty" keyword. (I jest, I jest! ;p).
Notes:
-I caught an html error that affected item #7 in my last post, so just in case you saw that and thought, "Wow, Cammy is a screw-up," it is fixed now. Just wanted to mention that, if you wanted to see the correct version. What? Perfectionist? Where? Who? Me? No...
-It occurred to me AFTER I hit "publish" on this that perhaps using "purge" in the title of a post on an ED blog was not so appropriate, but I heart alliteration so I'm keeping it, apologies in advance.
18 comments:
Yeah Cammy! I had to laugh at this as I think I have a few pair as well that should probably be sent to the el dumpster too. And bras, hmmm, another post for another day, eh?
I gotta say, underwear is probably one of my favorite things ever.
With all those pairs in the trash, just imagine the shopping possibilities right now! Actually kind of jealous.
LOL, and just in case anyone is concerned, I DO have about that many pairs left that I still wear, but that probably won't keep me from buying more. ;)
Cammy, I have read your blog for awhile though never commented... but this is too much: I purged my panty drawer last week! It was totally out of hand and something had to be done. Not only did I just have to many in general, dozens of them were in sizes I have no buisness having. For me it was scary but liberating, too. Here's to a New Year of health and wellness.
I think purge is a great word- and good for you for getting rid of uncomfortable clothes!
I'm with Amy, because replentishing your supply is going to be one uber-fun task!
I loved this post! The title was enough to crack me up! And not only that- your comment about your derriere growing on ya...I feel ya, lady- I'm enjoying having a booty, I mean....not to mention that jeans/pants/whatevs looks a million times better now!
Congrats on the panty purge! Now you have a completely legit excuse to buy some NEW PANTIES!
It's so funny that you posted about this because I was just thinking about doing a clothes purge, with some focus on undies. People talk about the horror of jeans, but I have the horror of underwear. I have some that are just too small and remind me on many days that I am not "sick" like I once was. What's interesting is that small clothes just make me feel bigger, contributing to the cycle of self-hating thoughts. There really is nothing like just getting stuff that fits as it should. Have fun at Victoria's Secret :)
LOL! Oh my gosh no one ever talks about this, but I am sooooo in the same boat! You might have just inspired me to do a panty purge of my own.
I mean, there are piles of underwear that sit in my underwear box (yes, I keep my underwear in a box, not a drawer) that I just don't touch because they are the same size I wore in 7th grade. And, sorry to disappoint the eating disorder and all, but I don't wear 7th grade pre-teen underwear anymore.
This morning, I was looking at my underwear collection, deciding which to wear (I too heart fun underwear). I looked at a pair of underwear that, in my mind, was in my "huge size" underwear category. I never wear that pair because it is too big for me (right?) Anyway, seeing as I'm doing like 9 million loads of laundry today and all my clothes are dirty, I decided to wear this underwear from my "huge size" category. Last time I put this underwear on, it sagged and was baggy and was a joke. Well, I put it on today and, what do you know... it fit perfectly.. ."huge size" underwear is "my size" underwear now. Hm. Guess I have to go under wear shopping...
However... as our butts grow so do our boobs. And so, as Tiptoe has mentioned, there becomes a need for a bra purge too. In fact, I now fit back into some old bras from my non-eating disordered phase in high school. ("non-eating disordered phase." did I just write that? wow. Since when did eating disordered become normal and non eating disordered become a phase! That is not okay!)
oh, also, I didn't even notice your html error. Ha! You must faint in horror when you read my blog. I hardly use punctuation and I never spell check.
Good for you:) I know, this is one of the worst parts for me, too. Many pairs of jeans are leaving.
Ok from a guy's perspective, my undies are not that nice but I too have sizes from what I wore then to what I wear now. My T told me yesterday that keeping all those clothes (we didn't mention underwear) was a toxic asset and lent power to my ED. I'm still too afraid to get rid of a lot of it. I am keeping it around just in case. I'm going to try and put it in boxes. I might be able to do that. Thanks for showing me I'm not alone.
It was a great idea post about this, I bet lots of people have similar experiences. I always just put up with having enormous underwear when I was ill so all I had to deal with were outer clothes, which I tended to give away or, uh, burn (hehe) as I gained weight. I think reminding yourself of lack-of-butt related perils is a good move too. Sometimes, now, I realise how pain-free I am compared to last year and feel amazed at the difference. It's something which is easily forgotten.
Have fun shopping ;)
I think you hit the nail on the head with this one...re-growing a girl butt has been I think my no. 1 favorite thing about being a normal weight again. Seriously, what non-pedophile guy wants a girl wearing xs panties?? Good for you, cammy.
thanks for this post! made me laugh (and cry) at the same time. this is absolutely one of the hardest parts of recovery for me. i think i have a span of 4 different sizes of clothing in my closet, and i am having a hard time letting go of them (even the ones that are too big). in my head, i justify it because i am still not sure where my body is going to end up and i don't want to have to buy a bunch of new clothes ... but that is just an excuse to hold on to and feed my illness.
thanks for this ... you have inspired me.
Good for you!! Letting "too small" clothing go is probably one of the hardest things to do.
Buying replacements should be loads of fun, though!! ;)
<3 <3
I love it! Congratulations on making a huge stride to begin the new year. You should totally replenish the supply, if not of underwear than of cute clothes to top it!
(Word verification="cater." Only slightly less ironic than "purge.")
this is so cute!
It is a great idea to let go of stuff you have outgrown. That way you wont be haunted by itsy bitsy undies. Onward and upward!
oh and just in case you didn't know, Victoria's Secret is having its semi- anual sale right now. So you can go replenish the supplies!
Oh, a daunting task indeed! One that the ones of us blessed enough to be alive and in recovery GET TO DO! Yay us! Yes, it's a twisted bittersweet task - the the gold lining is just that. We are ALIVE and able to pick out new panties to fit our new curves! This is an amazing thing! Cheers to panty shopping in 2010! :-)
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