-I stuck to the calorie boost enough days that it feels like the default/routine now, although I haven't stepped it up the increment that I planned. But I don't know how much I do/don't need to; I miss having D. for perspective. One benefit to this addictive personality type is that I form habits at the drop of a hat, and if I can just shove myself over the anxiety hump of making a change in the first place, I can usually make it stick in the long run. (Or maybe the short run; at least until something shakes my world up and I revert, that's a topic that needs more than a bullet point to delve into). Anyway, I'm going to a country where my immune system is going to need to be in kickass shape, so I'm trying to tell myself it's okay to be liberal with intake right now. We'll see.
-I got a new Kindle Fire today (thanks to my amazing grandpa, who couldn't stand for me to go several months without my beloved National Geographic subscription while I'm overseas), and it absorbed waaaay too much of the time I should've been putting into grant applications. I don't think I'd realized that it is really a tablet instead of a straight e-reader. It feels like a big Droid, which is a bit clunky for someone used to Apple products (unabashed Mac Snob, sorry), but it does a ton more than my old Kindle and overall I'm happy with it.
-#thatawkwardmomentwhen you are showing off your new Kindle to your mother and she scrolls over your digital copy of the Kama Sutra. For the love of all that is holy why me...
-I think I've confessed this on here before, but I am totally a sucker for pop songs (I draw the line at boy bands and Bieber! What a goon), and this one is the newest addition to my Recovery playlist:
"Shadow-boxing the other half" really hit home for me. Also, if you didn't see Clarkson sing the at Obama's inauguration earlier this week, you totally should. She starts off slow and really opens up at the end. I don't really care what mean media people say about her; I love that voice. The video above also made me want to finally get that wrist tattoo I've been thinking about forever now.
-Speaking of music, the 'Shazam' app has changed my life.
-I ate beef today for the first time in...years. I suppose this is an achievement for 'breaking a rule,' although my reasons for not eating beef have absolutely zero to do with calories. I could give you my spiel on how unsustainable factory-produced meat is, but I won't. Anywho, I was just thinking about how I sometimes miss roast beef sandwiches even though everything I know about how their made is a huge turn-off...and I reasoned that soon I'll be in a place where I won't have the chance to indulge any random food whims whatsoever, so I went to Subway and got a roast beef sandwich, damnit. And . . . it didn't really taste good to me. I remember that I used to love those things. So weird. I think my baseline anxiety is so high leading up to this trip that I'm just distracted and out of touch with most things and maybe am just not focusing enough on the world around me to cue into sensory details too acutely. Who knows. But I ate the damn sandwich.
-I have made zero progress with curbing exercise and thus have set myself up for a major anxietyfest when I show up at my field site late next week and am suddenly faced with much less opportunity to work out without having made any effort to ease myself into it at all.
I anticipate that going something like this:
-I've been sleeping an average of 4 hours per night for the last week. That whole plan to wean myself off of caffeine before my trip, because I can't have it in the field . . . JUST KIDDING. Couldn't let all those nice coconut mocha Keurig cups that Match bought me go to waste...
-Major good news on the writing front in my "real life." Can't say more here*, but it was pretty validating and exciting.
-*I'm pretty sure that most of the people that subscribe to this blog in private mode do know who I am in "real life," and at least 100% of the people that I know for sure still read definitely know. I can't tell you how much I've appreciated the degree to which people I've met through this venue have continued to respect my pseudonymity and keep the two worlds separate; you ladies are amazing.
-GREAT NEWS: On my flight out next week, I have a five hour layover in Match City. We thought he had meetings all afternoon that day, but his adviser gave him the afternoon off so he's going to come over to the airport and hang with me. SO glad I get one more chance to see him before I go. It means another tearful goodbye, but it's worth it for even one more hug before I head off.
I have an early morning tomorrow and really should try to get a human amount of sleep tonight. I hope all is well for everyone, love y'all.
3 comments:
I am also a shameless fan of pop music (and while like you I am definitely anti-bieber, I do have an undying love for the backstreet boys). ANYWAY yay for the extra Match time and yay for the calorie boost! Major YAY on the writing thing, that's hugely exciting and you should be super proud.
And hey, maybe the exercise thing will work out okay. I was forced to quit cold-turkey about a year ago due to injuries, and it has since seemed to break me of the compulsion. Yes there was tons of anxiety at the beginning and I still get urges to run, but overall I think my attitude is much healthier and more moderate. That being said, I've recently discovered weight training and am totally hooked.
Congrats on sticking with the calorie boost long enough for it to become routine and more comfortable! I hadn't heard this song, but it's great; thanks for sharing!
I hope the transition to less exercise is as low-stress as possible. Can you try to plan ahead about some anxiety-reducing (non-exercise) activities that might help? I like to go into potentially stressful situations armed with some sort of plan and it does seem to help.
Congrats on the writing stuff! Really excited for you :)
Hope you've been able to catch up on sleep!
I hope you have a great time on your research trip. I will miss your blog posts while you're away (I'm guessing you won't be able to blog, but hopefully I'm wrong), but I hope that it all goes well and that you come back with lots of great stories for us!
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