Food and Mood

I will start out with some positives: The first 2/3 or so of today was actually really good.  I am aware that I really need to keep myself busy in order to keep from severing my last thread of sanity, so found a local community service group on Meetup.com.  Today was my first time trying it out: I spent the afternoon volunteering at the food bank downtown (yes, maybe the food bank venue is a bit ironic, but it was the soonest available volunteer event).

I felt a little bit like the new kid, but I actually love meeting new people, and all of the other volunteers were very friendly.  My job was to check people in at the front desk: pulling up their accounts on the computer, logging the services they were getting that day, checking for updates on their household status, food stamps, etc, and giving them passes for their food boxes.  I REALLY loved that job because it meant I literally got to talk to everyone that came in for help.  As reclusive and independent as I can be, I do like talking to people and know I'm fairly good at it.

Also, I liked the service aspect of it.  There were some people that were obviously feeling very humbled and consipicuous coming in for food aid, and it was important to me that they be treated respectfully and professionally.  I doubt some of those jobless and/or homeless men had been called Mr. X or "Sir" in a while, and you can see just a little bit of respect change someone's demeanor in a big way. Ditto if you complement a mother on how pretty her baby is, mention that you have the same birthday, commiserate about how hot it is outside, etc.

 I guess maybe, from an opposite side of the spectrum (please don't think I'm comparing having an ED to being homeless!), I have a sense of what it feels like to be thought of as An Issue, and how pivotal it can be to be reminded that you're actually seen as a Person no matter what your circumstances or problems are.

So anyway, I left downtown feeling better than I have since Match left and I got back from visiting my family, I'm looking forward to doing more stuff with that group.

One downside to that whole thing was that it mean I had lunch almost 3 hours later than usual (my fault for choosing the postponed meal over eating an hour early, I don't claim to be logical, although I truly wasn't hungry before I left home).  I had planned ahead what I would have when I got in this afternoon, but I still managed to freak out over a few small blips in that plan and to get frustrated and lose my cool unnecessarily over small things, sending poor G. scurrying under the kitchen table in bomb shelter mode.  That hasn't happened to me in a while, because I've been so home-based with my work that it's been a long time since I got that off schedule with my eating.  WOW does it do bad things to my emotional stability.  I used to get like that often, this was just an unpleasant booster lesson on how it really is important to keep your blood sugar and all that up in order to avoid going nuclear sometimes.

I started on a good note but have to end on a sad one: my family's beloved dog of 14 years died today.  He was a sweet, funny, incredibly loving pet, and he'll be very missed.  The family had been talking about it and we knew it needed to be done very soon, but my dad took him in today without telling ANYONE it would be this morning.  I know it was the kindest thing that could've been done for the dog, but I wish it had been handled in a way that was less traumatic for my brothers, who just had to come home from school and find him gone.

Less than one week til my first appointment with the new therapist.  More on that later, starting to have mixed feelings but am not going to let myself back out before I even try her.