I'm back!!! Anyone still here? Touched down just before midnight last night, still a little zonked and culture-shocked from being back stateside (ie adjusting to being around Americans again, I find us a bit annoying after I've grown used to being around people in my research country. although no offense to all my US readers, I am vastly overgeneralizing and have proportionate degrees of sleep debt and incoherence going on. I just get annoyed when people whine about what are really minor inconveniences when I just left a place where a tin roof with not *too* many rust holes is a status symbol), but made it out with no illness or injury and lots of great stories.
Good news:
My trip was a HUGE success, my research is going better than I ever could have hoped. I have fantabulous data results, am making connections in the country, improving my language skills, and having tons of incredible adventures/experiences.
Bad news was that my eating sucked while I was there, and I pushed way more than I needed to physically. I didn't lose as much weight as I did on my trip over the summer, but that's mostly because it was a shorter trip, I think the rate of loss was about the same. I wasn't there long enough for it to do a ton to me physically (although, seeing as how I never regained all the lost summer weight, a bit of lost fall weight put me below what I was when I returned from that last trip), but my head is in a very shakey place, I have such a hard time figuring out how to get back on track once I'm home, after I've shifted back into restrictive mode and proved to myself how little I "need" to get by on (which is a fallacy, because if I was getting what I needed I wouldn't be shedding pounds and feeling like a shit taco, would I?).
All that to say: today is an incongruous mix of feelings. Extremely elated about my work, yet pretty damn disheartened and depressed at how I completely fail to handle something (food) that seems to come natural to so many people.
It's one of those "cry behind your sunglasses in the grocery store" days, and I'm just really, really tired of this.
7 comments:
i'm so glad your trip went well!
don't beat yoruself up over the food bit.. what's done is done-- don't let it affect the now, ok?! time to get back on track and on the path that leads you to health and happiness!
happy thursday :)
I disagree with the previous poster. This sounds serious. I just read your back posts and it sounds like you were doing so well...who cares about work when your health is slipping away? Priorities.
And I'll walk a middle line. I think that it is done and you can't do anything about it now, but you can start to fix the results. Start eating your meal plan (maybe a little extra). Talk with your team to plan how you can stay on track the next time you travel. Make a plan and stick to it when you travel, if you can't then you need to not travel until you can. Being a lower weight will open you up to all sorts of health problems and you can't aford that. Also the mental stress that your in now shows that this is not a good thing for you.
That said I'm glad your back.
So glad you're back safe and sound. That's so exciting that your research is going so well! I do think it's important to get on track with your weight/food so that you don't slip even further. I know how that downhill slide can go... It sucks. Hopefully you have some time to rebuild a healthy routine before your next trip. Traveling is hard for any of us in recovery, so don't be too hard on yourself. Beating yourself up about it ain't going to do any good. Hang in there.
Glad you are back! Missed your blog!
"feeling like a shit taco" haha I love it! (I DON'T love that you are not feeling well, just your way with words)
Now that you are home can you make weight restoration a priority? I know it is tempting to push it further down the list when it seems like there are so many things going on that are more important, but your health IS important! And your work/school will be so much easier when you are not feeling shit-tacoish :)
Glad you are back!
Welcome back, C! I agree with Eating Alone--you will do better with everything if you start eating enough again (and enough will mean "a little extra" with where your weight has slipped to.) Congrats on your great research opportunity! We missed you!
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