Promise Kept

Last year I made a "promise for next year" that I would not spend my birthday feeling terrible and stressed and depriving myself. I actually make promises to myself all the time, although I know that I will do pretty much nil to keep myself accountable for them.

But I actually did keep that promise this year. Yesterday was the first birthday in many years on which I have not ended up in tears of frustration at some point during the day. I didn't have a big fantastic celebration, but I did feel worlds calmer and more centered than I had in years past.

I don't think it had anything to do with my birthday, actually, I think we just tend to be more aware of ourselves on milestone days. I am still definitely a work in progress with recovery, but yesterday was really an eye-opener for me, as I contrasted the State of Cammy with previous years and contemplated how truly miserable and stressed I used to keep myself, day in and day out, for years and years.

So, kind of a low key birthday, but that was fine. Match works on Fridays, so he took me out to dinner on Thursday night. He also wished me a happy birthday through about 5 different media on Friday (woot for modern technology). I got lots of calls/messages on my birthday, my adviser treated me to Starbucks, I attended a fascinating talk on campus and then had a couple of drinks with my new crew of friends down here. Again, not a rockstar scale party, but I am not that type of person, so the low key day suited me just fine.

I guess I just wanted to report on that, milestones like birthdays are good times to reflect on where we've been or where we're going. I got some nice presents, but I think the best one was the one I gave myself: just spending the day feeling alive.