The good news:
I think I found a place to live! Found a cute duplex just half a mile from campus, quiet neighborhood with fenced backyard for the G-ster. It is actually just 2 houses down from where M. used to live, before he moved to go to grad school (just to clarify, in case anyone was confused, I'm moving back to the *same* town I lived in last school year, before I moved up here to save money by staying with family in between field excursions). I know the neighborhood already, and it's way better for dog-walking than the place I lived before in that town. I still hate the city, but I think the better location this time will make it at least a bit more tolerable.
That isn't finalized yet, but they have it on hold for my while they process my application, so hopefully it'll be a done deal by the end of the week.
The bad news:
The cause of the tooth pain I mentioned in the last post was a lost filling. :( I had a routine cleaning last week, and am going to get the filling replaced tomorrow. They put a temporary sealant over it, so pain wasn't so bad over the weekend.
The challenge: M. has family just about 30 miles south of here, and his mom is in town for a visit. So I'm going over to meet her today, she wanted to show me around the family farm and visit for a while. We arranged for a mid-morning meeting, my suggestion to avoid awkward food situations, but then she sprang on me that she wanted to cook us lunch and already had a recipe in mind. It's vegetarian, but not all that Cammy-friendly for various reasons...so it will be a challenge to spin that situation without looking weird or offending her. If you recall the post from way back when, you'll remember she does know I have a history of anorexia, but I think is under the impression that it is pretty much a bygone and solved issue. Still, will definitely feel under the microscope....big deep breath. She's nice and funny and very enjoyable, so I really just want to focus on that and have a good time. M. has 2 older brothers (one is available, ladies! ;p) but no sisters, so she doesn't get "girl time" that often!
Ok, updatage later. Happy Monday everyone, love y'all!
5 comments:
Grumble grumble. I think my comment got lost! Your post got me thinking.
And the gist of my original comment was something around encouraging you to consider being open to M's mom. If you're struggling in the moment, say it. You can say it's not her cooking, it's not ___, but you're challenging yourself now and just thought she should know.
For some reason, I feel like she would be fully open to supporting you in whatever you do, be it eating half, some, all, staying in the moment and present in your conversation during the meal, etc. Based on your description, it seems like she would not want to make you feel like you're under the microscope, and definitely wouldn't want you to stress while trying to "spin that situation without looking weird or offending her."
Is it okay to tell her that you are still challenging yourself through recovery? It's an honest and significant part of your life that you are working on.
Hope lunch goes/is going/went well and you enjoyed the meal and the company!!!
Thanks so much for your comment on my blog. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do... :)
This lunch is a good thing. seriously! One of the best gifts I've found in recovery is the ability to eat in public with friends and loved ones again. It IS gut-wrenching (in every way) at first but it gets easier and better with practice. And it sounds like she is a very safe person to practice with. Sometimes it takes acting like you are healed before your mind will believe you are healing;)
I'll keep my fingers crossed! You can do cahllenges, I know, but I do agree with what Shells wrote here.
Could it be she probably wants to show you she cares about your eating issues by going the extra mile and prepping a vegetarian dish? Not the textbook way to handle a loved one with ED but ...there is no textbook!
It's like a mom going out of her way to cook something "healthy" but yet...she has no idea what is scary to a particular victim of ED.
Fingers crossed on that apartment!
So I think blogger just gave you my post under my actual email address. Sorry, need more coffee!! Please delete that one. Not that I mind you having it. : )
hey you - just catching up with your tales - I am so happy you are so happy with M (and sounds like he has a great family). I think that sounds fabulous that his mom wants some girl-time. And don't you want to work on gaining back some of the weight lost again on the recent trip? This sounds like a great opportunity to get some much needed calories while not having to cook them yourself. Keep us updated. xoxo
after reading your last post, it's so clear you really do have A LOT on your plate, figuratively. so perhaps to counter-balance, you don't want a lot on your physical, literal plate.
with all you're dealing with, it's absolutely normal that the one thing you don't want to deal with is eating Cammy not-so-friendly food.
maybe just try to stay mindful? that's what i work on. stay present, listen intently to the conversation and get involved. think about what you like about where you are. feel yourself in your body. eat slowly, tasting the food as you eat it.
anyway, that helps me. focussing on conversation and details.
it sounds like you're dealing with all your issues in the best way you can. and that's all we can do.
good luck with absolutely everything.
Post a Comment