Post-Christmas Check-In

This past week has definitely been a roller coaster.  Christmas itself went well, and today was great.  I actually look forward to the 26th more than the 25th each year, because that is the day my mom and I have 'Girl Day' and go out to tear into the sales at the mall, see a movie, etc etc.  

On the one hand, my ED has been raging since I've been here.  I've managed to get in at least as much exercise as usual, if not moreso, but caloric intake has been cut in half, on average.  Don't ask me to explain why, because I have no clue.  H. is not going to be happy when I report back to her on how I handled my behaviors this week--or, more accurately, failed to handle them.

On the other hand, I have been able to be a lot more open and candid with my mom about issues than ever before.  The ED issue has never been a secret, but I do think that the past year of therapy has really helped me to be more articulate and comfortable when talking about things I'm struggling with.  I still don't think she really "gets" what it's like for me, but she does do her best to be supportive.  In case anyone is wondering, there was no response to the request in a recent post, so as yet no indication that my family has discovered the blog.  Whew.

On yet another hypothetical hand, for once my issues aren't the biggest stressor in the house.  Both of my brothers are teenagers now, and we are having some insubordination problems with the 15 year old.  He actually is fine when he's with me, but for some reason he gets so volatile around my parents and our 13 year old brother.  He really is a good kid, he is just super-insecure and doesn't really know how to express himself a lot of the time.  I hate that my parents stay so stressed out about him, and I seriously considered leaving early because I am just sick of his attitude.  That being said, I won't deny that it is an interesting and, as selfish as it sounds, even a nice change to not be the one everyone is worrying about all the time.   We had a big family feelings conference this evening (my mom has a psychology degree AND does social work with at-risk teens, so she is all about the Talking It Out stuff), Jesus Christ, trying to get men to talk about how they are feeling is like chewing glass.  More on the brother issue in another post.   And no, the regression eating-wise is not related to some kind of cry for attention from me, because this has been the pattern every year when I go home for the holidays.  The annual holiday slippage has been happening since way before the recent issues in the brother department.

I will be genuinely sad to leave, my mom is my best friend (yes, that's corny, but it's true, I have plenty of friends but she's my favorite) and I only see her once or twice a year, but at the same time I will be really relieved to head back south in a couple of days, so I can resume routine and start piecing myself back together after a hellacious semester and the holiday crunch time.