So, just had a great weekend with Match. We had a couple of big Talks after things were so rocky at the end of the holiday break, and it all feels like it's right again now.
So, ED update . . . I feel . . . really fucking good. My hair is awesome right now. My skin is awesome right now.
I'm still hungry all the time. Seriously. Like it never stops. I've upped my "baseline" (meaning never go under that number) calorie standard and have often had extra on top of that, without gaining any more weight. Still having gross night sweats and hot flashes. But I do feel way more energized, and to be super cliché, "alive" than I did a few months ago.
I deleted my calorie-tracking app from my phone. I still know the calories in things and run tallies in my head at each meal, but I do think it's helping not to be obsessed with recording everything.
Haven't weighed myself in weeks and H. FINALLY convinced my physician to quit weighing me in the office. When I worked with H. in college I gained dozens of pounds without anyone monitoring my weight; I sort of need to be free of that to do well.
Part of my reduced exercise plan is going to a couple of group classes at the gym with a friend each week (i.e., it becomes social and there is a defined ending time designed for real nondisordered people). We picked a spin class, and it is INTENSE.
And you know what? I feel like energized exerted afterwards, not "omg I hope I can make it home to my planned measured dinner without passing out first."
Also, I am starting to like that I look more like a girl in clothes. Spending a weekend with Match brought LOTS of affirmation on the body image front. After a couple of days he even had ME appreciating how new curves look on me. He's a persuasive fellow, that one.
Moodwise, pretty good. I'm busy with work but not overwhelmed and am doing a lot more social things regardless of the food situation. My puppy is still AMAZING and the most adorable creature ever to exist.
That's me. I'm also sharing a few more National Eating Disorders Awareness Week things publicly on Facebook and Twitter this year. I feel like the people that actually matter to me are generally enlightened enough to handle that, you know? I haven't made any of it personal, but I know it's revealing at least to some degree to even know what NEDAW is.
Also I am IN LOVE with my new tattoo. Another picture soon.
Love y'all, happy NEDAW 2016!
1 comment:
I'm so glad being with Match was so good for you, both to work things out and recharge, but also for your body image. It's great that you're embracing the awesome parts of getting to a healthier state! I know the super hunger is hard, I really do. Going through a bit of that myself. But remember that your body is asking for exactly what it needs. Congrats on deleting the phone app! That's a great first step in eliminating calorie counting!
I'm really happy to hear that your sweet pup is still wonderful. Love the tattoo!
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