So, a string of victories to report lately. Things aren't going 100% better (still counting calories, exercising more than I should, etc) but I think I'm making significant progress in some important areas.
Two very basic ones:
1. More calories
2. Less exercise
Granted both changes have been made at a pretty (very) modest scale at this point, but I can feel that sort of loosening in my mind that will let them become increments in bigger changes rather than token concessions that lead nowhere.
A few other wins that have made me feel successful lately:
Answering a "foodie call."
Everyone has experienced this.
It's similar to a booty call, in that most people see it as a spontaneous invite to a pleasurable experience. Except instead of bedroom fun, a "foodie" call comes in the form of random dinner invites, unexpected baked goods being dropped off at your desk, pressure to go out for a lunch you hadn't planned for, etc. Things that some people without food hangups would definitely find fun, but not if you're uptight about everything that goes into your mouth.
So last week we had a summer thunderstorm that knocked out power to our house one evening. Cue panic that I won't have electricity to cook my planned dinner. Cue self-shaming and reminding myself that I just came from a place where most people NEVER have power, and even my relatively privileged lodgings only had electricity for 1/3 of the day. Cue improvised plans for a dinner that required not external heat.
Cue a call from my mom telling me she was on her way to swing by the house after work and did I want to go out for dinner. Cue about 30 seconds of extreme turmoil, then a decision to just do it. Scrapped my plans, went out for dinner with my mom and one of her colleagues, even had extra calories, and enjoyed the evening.
Actually cooking meals WITH my boyfriend
I arrived in Match City on Saturday morning, and so far the visit has been awesome. One of my favorite wins so far this trip was that yesterday at lunch we cooked and ate the SAME things for our meal. This almost never happens. We've had a lot of temporary co-habitation periods over the course of our 3.75 year relationship (has it really been that long???), but usually when we cook at home it just involves him cooking his food and me cooking mine, and then sitting down to eat it together. Yesterday we made a meal where both of our main dishes (we picked different sides based on taste preference) came out of the same ingredients boxes and were cooked together, no alternative Cammy version made separately with lower-cal substitutions. This may not seem like a big deal, but it felt like a huge victory for both of us.
Ordering a challenge food in a restaurant
Ihop chocolate chocolate chip pancakes. Win. Enough said.
I haven't been weighing myself, so I don't know if the weight I'd lost is coming back yet, but I'm trying to keep reminding myself that it's okay when (not letting myself frame it as "if") it does.
So, baby steps. I'm really enjoying this Match visit and I want to stay calm/nourished enough to continue. The only spat we've had was yesterday morning when my blood sugar was WAY too low for me to be rational. That's a preventable situation that I want to try to be more vigilant about. I still have fucked up hunger signals, which means that usually I don't feel hungry at all until my brain/body are feeling unwell. Trying to stay on top of it better from now on.
I hope everyone is having a good week; love y'all.
No comments:
Post a Comment