My anxiety has been sky-high again today. I had a therapy session this afternoon. I really like my new therapist and was glad I got to talk to someone, but I still feel really jittery and unsatisfied and stressed. I have really felt like I had ADD while trying to work on my thesis, and have even had a hard time focusing on pleasure reading, which is rare for me.
I had a light-bulb moment a few minutes ago, though: I recently wrote about the results of my strength-training regimen, which hasn't caused me to lose any weight but *has* dropped my body fat percentage, which was already really too low. I am wondering if that drop could have precipitated the recent spate of high-anxiety days; I know that body composition and weight can indeed affect moods and thought patterns. Just a hypothesis, but something I'll have to think about and maybe bring up in therapy next week.
5 comments:
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time, Cammy. I was about to comment on your last post but I'll just condense it here. The low body fat/high anxiety theory definitely makes some sense, but it sounds like you have a lot of other stressful things going on in your life too. Have you talked to Match since the weekend about why it was so hard for you? Even though you felt really crappy about the visit, it is a real testament to the strength of your relationship that you and Match have been through so much and are still going strong.
I am so so glad you like your new therapist and feel good about talking to her. I might be mistaken but hasn't it been a while since you've been in therapy consistently? I really hope that with time and more treatment things will get better for you. Know that everyone is rooting for you and you only deserve good things.
Thanks for stopping by my blog today! I loved your comments and appreciated your input on such a controversial topic!
I'm sorry to read that you have difficult couple of days, Cammy, but first happy belated anniversary with Match, it is a reason for you to be very proud and happy! 50 hours working week and no internet access at home made me to crappy reader/commenter.
I don't know exactly about a link between overall body fat and mood (in me it was allways less fat=less weight, because I've never did much strenght-training) but basically our body perceives its weight through adipose tissue hormones (but in EDs, underweight and overweight people it can be more difficult), so I think your idea could possibly explain or partly explain your unusual anxiety levels. I have to say I am little bit concerned that your personal trainer didn't intervene somehow when your body fat is so low :( Or I was generally triggered, because my level of exercise is like 1/1o than 2 weeks ago. My motivation of having normal body fat is brain and bones. Future. Please, think about them, because they suffer enormous. But you know this and I just wish you and your therapist will be able to change things for better as soon as possible.
Cammy, I think people are really capable of things they can't imagine, because their "normal" has been disordered or avoidant for so long. YOU are capable of it. Sometimes it is just being on right place in right time (although this right place sometimes seems unbearable in the first days, weeks, months:/). I have every single bit of faith in you and in that you'll do some decision to change something more radically and that it'll bring you some freedom and space for life, love, PhD and things you want to achieve (not that you can't achieve it from where are you now, but I think you know what I mean..).
Sending tons of support
xx
ola
hope you can find some "calm".
anxiety really sucks -- an awful place to be.
do you do any kind of meditation or anything that takes you out of your mind...and even your body? the mind is a truly stressful place to be in all the time.
take care, melissa
Ooh, I'm with ola - for me low body fat is associated with losing weight, so I wouldn't be able to comment. But it seems like a possibility. I have found anecdotally that people with EDs who try to recover by gaining as much muscle/little fat as possible end up struggling for a lot longer than those who give it up to nature to decide what goes where. It's definitely worth keeping an eye on anyway - I know weight training is good for bone density, but excessively low body fat isn't! I hope you and your therapist can find a solution :)
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