I am now back in Match City, stopping over for a few nights on my way back to PhD Town. It was hard leaving my mom and grandfather; that month passed too quickly.
Last weekend I took a road trip to Historic Southern Town with my mom and Brother 1, and actually had a great time. My mom had a conference to go to there, and I got to bring P. along. I caught up with good friends from high school and college and generally just played tourist; it was awesome. I also ate like I was on vacation.
But between two days of driving for that, all day in the car yesterday, and the two-day drive back to PhD Town starting Friday, I am getting REALLY sick of sedentary car time and it's making it harder to sit with my recently restored weight.
Since I haven't been weighing myself, I have no idea how much I've regained. I lost almost all of my summer weight over the fall and don't think I've regained all of it, but I've still put on enough for me to really notice, both in terms of physical sensation and what I notice in the mirror or pictures of myself. I can still wear all of my jeans comfortably, but they had gotten big on me by the end of last semester.
Honestly, I'd be totally happy with my body with this weight or even more except my stomach -- that is still by far my biggest hangup. I like having fuller breasts and booty, and having healthier looking arms, etc. Just need to deal with feeling like I have a spare tire and a bit of a moon face. When I get back to PhD Town I'm going to try to do a max of half the gym time I was this past fall, and to make at least 1/3 of it strength training rather than just cardio, because I think that will help me sit with the weight gain better instead of panicking and letting myself lose it again.
I'm actually shocked that I haven't gained more given how liberal I've been with food and how much I've cut exercise. Go figure. Also been hypermetabolic as hell; I think I mentioned that in the last post.
Also, getting to Match City last night meant the First Sex After Weight Gain session. That's always really hard for me. Match is great and really insistent that he's a safe space and will be happy with my body whatever happens, loves it looking more filled out, blah blah blah, but it's still difficult.
Fortunately for Match, my libido has been like whoa now that my body has been better taken care of for over a month. Unfortunately for me, his back injury means that we really can't do as much as we used to (it's still regular but less frequent than before). I'm getting really frustrated with his refusal to do any kind of treatment for his back and how much that affects us both (NOT just because of the sex, a lot of things are more affected than that). That's for another post, I guess.
I have a lot of post-holiday processing to do during my session with H. tomorrow. I'm getting stressed about dealing with my landlord and adviser when I get back to PhD Town. Real life sux. Also, between all the crises with my jerk adviser, jerk dad, jerk Brother 2, jerk landlord, and jerk dad-in-la in 2015, plus Match being a grump at times over the holidays, I have just about lost all my patience for men over the past year or so, real talk.
Alright, love y'all.
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