That weekend was . . . confusing. Actually this year is just confusing so far. I'm starting to feel really, really crushing anxiety over not knowing where I will be spending the next (and super significant) portion of my career, who my adviser will be (very important professionally), where I'll be working in the field, how my work will be funded, whether I'll get to take my dog when I move or if I'll have to leave him with my parents (don't laugh, this is a big issue for me), if/where/to what degree I'll be employed this summer (ie whether I will be able to make car payments, not to mention some form of rent and groceries), how often I'll see my family after I move, how far I will be from my boyfriend, or if he and I will even still be together. . .
This last Match visit was very rocky in places. In some places it was ideal. I just don't know, it seems like there is very little in my life that is certain right now.
I think some of the rocky-ness was from background stress. Case in point: on Saturday afternoon Match and I took a cuddlerelax break on the couch and he fell asleep, so I started ruminating about stuff . . . and half an hour later he woke up covered in alternating layers of tear-soaked t-shirt and sniffling (okay, snotting) girlfriend, because I just felt so overwhelmed and emotional. And instead of getting emotional and flooding other people's shirts with tears when he's stressed, Match just gets short-tempered, and so THAT dynamic was colorful, to say the least, at times. :/
I had 13 hours in the car to ruminate today, and by the time I pulled into my driveway I was nearly in full-on panic attack mode. I think I either have a stomach virus or stress-induced tummy ooglies, I can't tell yet.
On the plus side, I have an awesome family and some very good friends, I can't discount that. They are constants. Must remember the positives.
I suppose this is a pure whine/rant post, sorry I don't have any insights/wisdom to offer up tonight.
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