Loose Connection

So, my snake was sick today. Seriously, I thought he was dead. It may seem dumb, not to know whether an animal is dead or not, especially when one's profession is studying animals, but with ectotherms it really can be hard to tell. They are always cool to the touch, don't breathe very conspicuously, etc. I poked him, picked him up, shook him around a little bit. It was not looking good.

Finally I remembered the scene from Little Women where they put the bird in the oven, and decided to try something similar, although instead of making Roasted Reptile in the kitchen I opted for a heating pad to warm him up. I made a little snake burrito with the heating pad wrapped around him and poof, worked like a charm, once he was warm he started moving again and even hissed at G., which was a good sign.

Still, I was kind of disturbed about this Playing Possum episode. Surely that can't be healthy. I know freezing up is a defense mechanism in many species, but I have never heard of it for kingsnakes before. And he had no reason to go into defensive mode, he was just in his tank hadn't been exposed to any obvious stimulus. He is very young, just about 9 months, and I keep him well-fed and watered. He seems to be growing steadily, he's up to about 20 inches now. I buy his mice frozen instead of giving him live ones, I guess it is always possible that they let one sit too long before freezing it, so it would be spoiled, but he wouldn't eat one that was "off" enough to make him sick?

So anyway, the point is that I called around to several vet clinics to see if any of them could diagnose why my snake went comatose. I got the same answer everywhere I called: "we don't do snakes, sorry."

Kind of reminded me of when I was first seeking treatment on my own, and was turned down by campus counseling services and a succession of independent psychologists, who said they "don't do eating disorders, so sorry." This was in January of my sophomore year in college, and because of the initial rebuffs I put further pursuit of treatment off for almost another year, in the meantime suffering an extremely severe relapse.

On one hand, I appreciate people being upfront when something is not in their area of interest and/or expertise. There have been times when I know that trying to talk to me about making changes in my ED behaviors was probably much worse than performing an exam on a snake.

On the other hand, sometimes it just seems like a crime that it can be so hard to get help when you need it. I was fortunate enough to find a psychologist that was a good fit for me, but she is not in "the network" for my insurance and so it costs my parents an arm and a leg, for which I have immense guilt. I tried the DIY version of recovery for several years, and inevitably stalled out and slid backwards before getting anywhere near healthy. I was venomously anti-therapy for a long time, but now I realize there is no way, absolutely no way in hell, that I would have made it this far on my own. When I think about how many people slog along on their own, lacking access to an ED-specialist due to geography, being too ashamed to admit to family that they want/need treatment or simply not having adequate insurance, it is so frustrating. Reaching out, only to be denied or sent elsewhere, can be very invalidating, and can scare some people away from treatment entirely.

I'm aware that this is neither a novel nor profound observation, but it's what's been on my mind today. Just for the record, I'm not comparing my snake's health to the suffering a person with an ED goes through, not by ANY stretch of the imagination. I guess this is just a loose connection in my train (or train wreck?) of thought.

I suppose the point of this post is this: if you are out there, deciding whether it's worth it to seek help, please don't let yourself become discouraged. At one point I swore to myself (and swore at myself, and swore at others, come to think of it) that I would never, ever set food in a psych office again, that I just wasn't someone who could do therapy. And now it has truly saved my life. I'm not saying any one treatment plan is a universal cure. Just don't give up the pursuit of the right plan, because in the end all of the hassle of insurance, scheduling, trying different offices, etc., is nothing compared to getting your life back once you've found a situation that resonates with you.