Also, I am officially out of energy. Cammy is kaput, mentally and physically. Tomorrow is going to be the most intense day of the whole process, and I'm already dreading it. Because of the convoluted way my move is happening, I am getting and loading the truck tomorrow, doing the cleaning and maintenance stuff and picking up my family from the airport on Wednesday, and then finally leaving on Thursday.
I am so thankful for my mother. I called her in a complete meltdown this afternoon, sobbing and sputtering like an imbecile. Just like always, she knows how to talk me down without either coddling or roughness. I do, though, wish that I could make her understand that when I am sobbing "I'm too tired" I do mean yes, real energy and lack of calories, instead of just lack of sleep.
One other thing: I had an accidental clumsy moment today that resulted in minor injuries, and that more than anything else cleared my head and calmed me down. The anxiety leaked away with the blood. Surely that can't be healthy. I know the biochemical explanations, the adrenal system can be both a blessing and a curse sometimes. I will have to talk about this in therapy tomorrow.
Which will also be my last visit with H. I haven't given myself time to process this yet, but I know that when I do I am not going to like it.
4 comments:
Things will settle down, Cammy! These stress situations shows sometimes the illness is not only about our current weight, but about long term physical and mental RESERVES as well.
Sometimes I feel like my days, my food intke and mental capacity are designed for student life, mild job and weird exercise patterns, but not for REAL stress situations like full time job I am doing right now- so I think I can relate to your situation a bit.
And it's great your mum is "near" and helpful!
Bloody knees or hands were often the only thing that made me to slow down a little. I've never injured myself intentiously, they were just results of my clumsiness or overexercising+tiredness+anemia, but it was really dangerously calming:(
I hope you can talk about these issues with your therapist and that you will find someone similar in your new place.
I send you some power and energy for these busy days + take care!
Lisbeth
+ some of my sis's energy who finally decided for inpatient treatment and so far is doing good!
Hang in there! I definitely have days of very legitimate anxiety, but they pass. You have a lot going on right now, so be patient with yourself...
Things will settle down soon! It's an awful feeling. Take care of your basic needs (food, sleep, water, companionship) as well as slowly making your way through your to-do list just one thing at a time. Just ONE thing at a time.
I'm glad you have your mom :)
wow, i can really sympathise (or is it empathise). I am going through roughly the same thing right now. The paralyzing anxiety, the chaos and not knowing where to start. Not to mention having to find a new therapist.
Moving sucks!
Well, at least in a few more days it will all be over.
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