The new ED clinic that I have been going to (outpatient) in my new city is staffed entirely by women, most of them who look to be in their mid-30's or younger. So I will admit, I do tend to wonder about their histories. It honestly does not bother me, I would never think that someone wasn't qualified to treat EDs because of their own struggles (quite the opposite, actually). And I would expect and hope they are responsible enough--for the sake of themselves and others--to make sure they are stable and and are not going to be negatively affected by interacting with ED clients. So, no question of competency.
Still, I am incurably curious, it is an irrepressible part of my nature. So about 3 weeks ago, when C. and I were having a difficult session and I felt like I was having a hard time communicating what I was feeling, for some reason I just felt like seeing if I could push through that wall with her. So I just asked, simply, "Have you ever had an eating disorder?"
She didn't even hesitate. "I sure have."
Then she told me just a little bit about her history (nothing explicit, just basic X number of years, X years since recovery). I don't even know if she was anorexic or bulimic, I didn't ask; it didn't seem relevant.
For some reason, though, it immediately made me more comfortable with her. It takes quite a while for me to break down the walls I build and really connect with people, but I think this helped. Now remember, I had pretty much assumed she had at least some ED history all along. But for some reason the fact that she was willing to be candid with me made me feel much more connected.
Interestingly, she said her last recovery was 8 years ago, while she was in grad school, which means our EDness (I totally made that term up but hope you get what I mean) actually overlapped a bit, which is strange to think about. Although I would have been 15 and she would have been 26, so much different circumstances at the time.
I know that some people might think that knowing personal information about a therapist could be negative, could inspire competitive thoughts, etc. And in some cases, maybe it would. But somehow it made me almost instantly feel more comfortable being open with her. Also, it seemed to open another door in terms of the advice and insights she could offer, because now occasionally she will share something that she did/thought etc during her own recovery. Of course we don't talk all about her, and it's not brought up even once a session, but it seems like a good combination of me being more open to her suggestions and her being freer to talk about some insights, since she's not shielding her history anymore.
Also, I think it helps to have a positive role model. I have known people in Real Life with EDs, both in and out of recovery, and I have read/seen about fully recovered people (Jenni Schaefer, etc) in books/online/tv. But I have never really interacted with someone that was fully recovered before. I think sometimes one of my problems is not being able to envision what recovered life is like, and losing faith that it is actually possible. C. is so full of life, successful, happy, has a new baby and great husband, and basically represents many of the things the ED is holding me back from. It has definitely given me a lot to think about.
So, that being said, what are your thoughts/experiences with this? Have you ever talked to a therapist about their ED history? Ever had a bad experience with someone that was trying to treat patients while still struggling themselves? Anything else to say about it? I'm very interested in your comments.
11 comments:
I completely relate to this post - my T has shared from me from the beginning that she has had an ED ... and she has even given me some specifics (number numbers - except for years - but about some of her struggles and that she was anorexic and then bulimic). I actually know quite a bit of information about her personal life that she shares with me ... and I, like you, have found it to be of great benefit.
When I feel like the relationship is somehow reciprocated and I am trusted, it makes it a lot easier to trust and open up to her. She is wonderful. I have never found a therapist I trust or have been willing to open up to as much as her.
I think it helps a lot to know that the person you are talking to about your struggles has been where you are - and can relate - and has made it to the other side. Like you said, an inspiration or role model of sorts ...
okay - sorry this comment is so long, but I just really get what you are saying and feel exactly the same way. For me - the transparency only helps.
I am much more comfortable with a therapist that has had a personal ED history. I have had one therapist that was recovered and she definitely would call me out on stuff and push me harder than any other therapist I had seen but I think I was more willing to do that work because I knew that she had been there and she knew what it would take to recover. She was an inspiration to me for sure. It kind of seems like more and more it is strongly discouraged for mental health professionals to disclose any personal information (especially those with a PhD)but I don't know- that's just a personal observation.
My RD has not had an ED, but she seems to "get it" anyway. My therapist has had an eating disorder but she has never disclosed any information about it at all. I only know she's had an eating disorder because she wrote a book, which I read, and in the introduction it briefly states that she had an eating disorder.
I love my RD and therapist and find them both immensely helpful. It's Thanksgiving, and I'm planning on writing them both long notes of Thanks. Because, really, I don't even know where to begin with them. They've both helped me so much.
They have not personally disclosed at all. I essentially know nothing about each of them. But, they've each done something else that's a little different than personally disclosing info about themselves but I think has a similar effect. They both have had lots of experience seeing people go from the beginning stages to full recovery (My RD has been working with EDs for 21 years and my T for 35 years). Both of them reference former patients (not in any illegal way). They'll say something like "A former patient, who is now long recovered, said ______," and they'll quote the patient. Or they'll say, "Everyone is different, but most of my patients, who have all fully recovered, describe this state of recovery as_________." They have away of somehow making me feel connected and guided by their former patients. I suppose this kind of sounds strange, but it works. It makes me feel like it's possible and it makes me feel like my T and RD know what they're doing.
I am so curious about their lives. I want to know how many kids they have, what they're names are. I want to know where they grew up and what they do for fun, etc. etc. Besides the fact that I know they have kids, I know nothing at all about my RD and therapist. Which is kind of weird - it's a strange relationship,... to know that they know so much about me and I need them so much and yet, they I don't know anything about them and they don't need me.
While i'm curious about their personal life, part of me wonders if therapy/nutritional counseling would not be as effective for me as it is if they did just totally open up and talk about themselves. I wonder if, then, I'd start to see them as a friend. AS it is now, I sort of see them as a mother/grandmother figure - not as a friend. And I wonder, if I started to see them as a friend, would I then be less likely to be fully open myself? I don't know the answer to that question, but it is a possibility that I've wondered about.
I've had a number of therapists over the years, with a variety of histories. I saw a guy once who had no experience with eating disorders, and I found that experience to be pretty pointless, leading me to conclude that a therapist really has to have experience with EDs to help me. My first therapist was someone who said she had anorexia (past tense), though it was quite obvious to me that she still struggled. I had a lot of weird feelings toward her, still do. My best therapists have both recovered from EDs and I can tell in their spirit that their recovery is whole and authentic. For both of them, I have no idea what kind of ED they had, how long they had it, when they recovered, etc. It doesn't seem to matter. I'm just been inspired by their sense of calm and peace. One of them is my current therapist and I feel incredibly lucky to have her. I'm glad you felt more connection with your therapist with this issue. I know how comforting it can be to know someone has actually been there.
My therapist recently told me she used to have an ED. Just that, no specifics. Also, my new dentist confided in me that he had one in high school! That meant alot to me, because sometimes non-mental health professionals don't get it.
I'm glad it's working out with the new therapist :)
You know, I never thought to ask my doc if she had an ED. She was very slender and petite, and I guess it would have been okay - but I just felt like it was too personal. She never shared much about her own life at all, and I never asked - I didn't want to pry. It's somewhat ironic, given that the woman was PAID to pry into my life, but there you go.
Hey cammy, I'm really glad that you were able to ask C and connect with her in that way!
I've been on both sides of the fence.... I've just struggled to keep at T let alone one with an ed...but I've interacted with people who are recovered, some who were useful, others who were not.
Interestingly my current T has NO CLUE about eds at all and has never had one. BUT she is so good at it! I wouldn't want to give her someone that was being manipulative or anything (cause I won't lie or mislead her) but essentially she does her homework, in general she checks on everything anyway, and ultimately she does more than the gp and D that do deal in ed's! She gives me hope that people without a history of eds (recovered or friend/family) can treat ed's usefully.
As a counsellor (when I was recovered, right now I'll do support stuff but not counselling itself), I have always been open with a) anything that MAY interfere with counselling, such as CFS and b) anything that a client asks me. I usually tell the client upfront that they're part of the relationship and welcome to ask questions and I'll answer them if I can. I haven't had clients ask anything inappropriate yet and usually clients only ask things that make them feel more connected so its all good. In this way, clients have always connected with me more when I answer their questions.
Sometimes I would openly tell them about the ed, sometimes I would not. Essentially it just depended on where I thought THEY were and whether it would be helpful or not. For example, if I was concerned that they would worry about ME, then I would not say anything because that wouldn't be conjuisive to their journey, but if they gave indication of feeling isolated or not understood or just needed that bit of hope, then I would tell them.
Anyway, I'm just glad it worked for you :)
Thinking of you xoxo
my therapist shared with me in the beginning that she could relate to some of my struggles because when she was in college she dealt with the same feelings (not specifically and ED, but the depression, and the struggles with my faith). that made me a lot more comfortable opening up about what i'm going through, just seeing someone who survived and is now happy. though, she did offer the disclaimer that she does not share that information with all her clients, because for some people it might do more harm than help. its all about the specific client i think and that can be hard to determine. i respect her a lot for telling me about her past though.
I'm like you in thinking that if you are working with ED patients, there has to be a personal connection. Sometimes, I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong.
With every therapist, I have always asked their experience in dealing with eating disorder patients. If they are ED specialists, I ask them WHY they have decided to work with this clientele as it is very challenging. The majority of mine did not have EDs, the one who did didn't work so well for me.
All of my therapists have been candid about some things in their lives if they feel like it is something that is going to help me. And I'm always grateful for that. Maybe, C. sense this too. I'm glad it made you feel better and able to open up more.
Hi C,
I think it's fantastic you have a positive "role model" you can look up to and connect with. I have in the past had a therapist who had struggled with an ED, and she, too, was very candid about it. It meant so much more when she would give me advice or try to relate or empathize with me because I knew she wasn't just going "by the book," but speaking from real experiences that had helped her.
So glad you have C. :)
xoxo
I prefer to work with people who don't have an eating disorder history. Even clinicians without a stated personal history ... but who "specialize" in treating ED patients ... seem to be more presumptive and more apt to generalize because they know it and have seen it or experienced it themselves.
The best treatment relationships for me have been with people who aren't necessarily ED focused. I appreciate the distance and perspective coupled with empathy and good people/communication/therapy skills.
It always seems to me that former patients/sufferers who hop the professional fence aren't really recovered as long as they're still keeping eating disorders as a focus in their lives, and by extension ... identity. It's like enmeshment ... they can recover and let the ED go without really ever letting go.
I am more hopeful when I meet people who go on to live lives outside the field in the areas of their previous or subsequent interest. That seems like real recovery. I know the whole thing about wanting to give back, help others who are in the shoes you once wore, maintaining one's own "sobriety" much like alcohol counselors working with those still struggling with substance abuse.
I often wonder if all the folks who have gone into ED-related helping professions were stripped of that identity of ED-helper, if they would still be in recovery or if identity would falter.
It's a compelling question to test whether core-identity is still tied to an eating disorder. Would recovered clinicians struggle with symptoms or thoughts if they were told they couldn't work in the area of eating disorders. To develop one's recovered identify out of the ashes of one's disordered identity doesn't seem far removed from relapse and/or disorder itself.
That said, I'm glad your therapist's history helps you feel more safe, understood, and in a relationship with positive potential for effective change and wellness. And that's what it comes down to ... personal relationships. Therapists can follow the right script or be a wonderful person, exceptionally accomplished or educated ... but if it doesn't resonate with the client, it won't work for the client.
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