But I'm still not quite how to classify my feelings for him. I enjoy being around him, I like trading e-mails and texts. We have good conversations about a variety of topics, and I appreciate the fact that he is always willing to lend an ear if I need to talk (although I am very careful not to unload on him about ED stuff). But I don't know if I'm really getting a "spark." Sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions, instead of responding to real emotions, it doesn't feel like a crush or like my previous relationships. Or is it just that I am not a teenager anymore, can you outgrow crushes? Again, he has done nothing wrong and I do care about him. It's not like I am looking for "The One" right now, either, I have no overwhelming desire for marriage or any of that stuff at this point in my life/career.
Maybe I am just making the error of wanting things to be perfect and textbook right away, instead of letting it develop. We have only been "official" for about a month. I do have genuine affection for him, but it is not the kind of thing where I lose sleep thinking about him. Remember back when we first started seeing each other, and I said I didn't know if it would develop into a romantic relationship or just a good friendship? Part of me wonders if my feelings for him might actually be more of the latter, if maybe I told myself I liked him this much just because I so desperately need someone to like me that much. Doesn't that sound awful? But again, I'm not sure, I could be totally wrong.
Maybe I am walling off emotions to prevent getting hurt. Maybe I am freaked out that the scale has inched up infinitesimally and am secretly looking for reasons that I could end things and trade movie nights cuddling on the couch for evening workouts again. Maybe I am just a little too stressed every time he puts his hand on my stomach or thigh. (I'm not prudish about physical aspects of a relationship, it's just casual touching of key points of "image anxiety" that bothers me).
Maybe lots of things, but on thing is definite: I am confused.
5 comments:
Maybe your scared of getting hurt? Please don't fall into that trap, getting hurt is part of life. If you don't get hurt you don't get happiness. Does that make sense?
Yes as you age, listen to your elders here, your relationship's do change. But there can be that spark that just drives you nuts. I'd take a little more and just enjoy where you are. Be happy and see what happens.
I know exactly what you mean. I've decided that I just outgrew "crushes." Also, I think this idea of the spark is very much driven by romantic comedies. The reality is that we all have fears that come into play, tempering the spark. It sounds like he cares for you quite a bit. I would give it some time to see how you feel about him. It takes me an absurdly long time to get close to someone and, even when I'm close, the spark isn't this ever-present thing. My best advice would be to not overthink it too much right now. Enjoy it as best you can ;)
*hugs* I'm with Kim hun, there is so much confusion in your words and its okay to just wait and see and ENJOY. Those are okay things. Sometimes true love and romance takes time and a willingness to let it is, that often takes being relaxed and letting yourself let it in... and yes my dear, you ARE capable of those things :).
Also, just more of a side note, don't let the ed take him away from you. I know that you've made some good gains around exercise and eating out etc and that some of that has been around dating Match and your time with him... I'm guessing that also makes the ed a bit scared and what happens if it doesn't work and stuff... Just don't let it get in the way k?? And honestly, none of this might be relevant and that is okay, I just want to put it out there.
Cammy, you deserve to smile and be loved and be doted on :) Try to enjoy the ride and just see what happens.
*hugs* xoxo
yeah, just take your time and see where it goes. Don't try to push the relationship to be something it isn't.
Here is my old married lady advice : The "spark" is not nearly as important as connecting on deeper levels of trust, common intrest, and understanding. these are the things that last.
I feel the exact same way in my relationship. I've been dating my bf for over 6 months now, but I don't and never did feel "that spark." I never had a crush on him or anything like that, but at the same time, I enjoy his company, and he means so much to me! But it makes me wonder when I hear other women talking about how they can't sleep at night over their bf...not me at all!
I definitely don't have any advice for you; I'm just as confused (although thankfully ED is OUT OF MY LIFE at this point, so I know that he's not trying to sabotage the relationship due to late night dinners out and so forth). I really wish I had answers for both of us. But I don't. So I guess all I can say is just enjoy your life, yourself, and him for now. The more you date, the more you'll understand yourself; maybe he's not what you're looking for in the end, but in the meantime he can provide companionship, support and encouragement and ultimately you'll be a better person for having dated.
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