Progress Report

***Disclaimer**** This post has mentions of changes in body fat/size/etc, but no specific numbers.  I still wanted to mention it because I am terrified of posting anything that would trigger someone.  I am always careful not to do specifics, but still worry.  The only number in this one is a (normal) number of minutes in a strength training routine under supervision of a licensed trainer.














So, a couple of months ago I mentioned that I had started seeing a personal trainer a couple of times a month, mainly to get some strength on my frame, try to scale back on the obsessive cardio, and make myself more at peace with adding weight back.  I've been away traveling for chunks of the summer, but I've done pretty well with keeping up the weight and strength training routines.  I don't usually give details of exercise habits, but I think these are pretty normal so it's okay to mention that I've basically been doing it for about 30 minutes 2-3 times a week--although less frequently when I've been out of town, obviously.  And I've been subbing it for cardio time, ie not adding that 30 minutes on top of what I was already doing.

I have always been told that weight/strength training can be as good of a workout as cardio, but never really wanted to believe it.  I clung to my obsessive calorie tracking on the bike/elliptical/treadmill/whatever has moving parts and an LED display, convinced that the key was to go as fast, long, and steadily as possible to keep in good shape.

I think this experiment with the personal trainer has really opened my eyes, though.  Even just the small amount of substitution I have done (the reason I mentioned the frequency/length above was to be sure it's obvious I haven't been doing this a ton) has *really* produced a change in my body, it's been fascinating to watch.

Yesterday was my 2 month fitness assessment to track my progress since I started with the trainer.  I was amazed at how much better I was at pumping out the pull-ups, push-ups, etc, made me feel kind of sorry for the feeble me that started at the beginning of the summer.

And it felt *good*.  It felt so nice to feel powerful and strong, instead of dragged out and empty after a long cardio push. It's the "grrrr" effect. I got tired, no doubt, but it's a very different kind of tired.  There is quite a difference in being exhausted in a few areas of your body and having your entire system depleted of energy.

One part of the assessment was weighing and measuring.  I know this sounds like a *bad* idea for someone in ED recovery, and I agree, actually, very much so.  But, I figured there wouldn't be any big shockers from a weigh-in, though, since I weigh myself at home every day any way, and I might as well not bring attention to myself by explaining why I wanted to skip that part.  It is a bit awkward that my trainer is a 23 year old female (I'm soon to be 25), but she's a lot shorter and a different body type than me, so I guess the comparison pressure isn't all that bad.

Anyway, the weigh/measure was a bit of a shocker but in a different way than expected.  I *may* put on a bit of weight since I started (it's actually within daily flux range, and I know from my home weigh-ins that it might be a tiny bit but not really enough to merit much thought).  That's fine with me, because I know I'm still below where I have been before and where I probably should be.  But the surprise, and one that I don't really know how to feel about, was that I'd lost fat % and inches everywhere.  Please keep in mind that that was *not* my goal.  My goal was to be stronger and feel fitter and better about my body in a functional sense.  I didn't really think I needed to lose inches and I knew I didn't need to lose fat (I want a bigger cup size! Please! Is a B too much to ask?).

 I had actually expected my measurements to be *bigger* because I'd noticed more definition in my arms when I flexed, and I truly thought they looked bigger.  Mirror tricks are nothing new, I guess.  One reason I avoided lifting weights for so long was that I was afraid of "bulking up," but I guess I'm living proof that you can do the opposite without losing weight and maybe even while gaining it.

So anyway, I guess I don't know how to feel about that.  I am happy to feel stronger and see that I can make improvements without having to get all obsessive about a routine.  The nice thing about strength training is that it's very hard to over-do it; my muscles just won't lift any more after a certain point (doesn't take long to get there), and after that they need a couple of days to recoup if I want them to get stronger.

 On the other hand, I didn't really need to lose that fat and don't want to lose any more. I might look "normal thin" to most people used to modern media images (I have no idea how I look in reality, honestly, just guessing here because I'm not emaciated or attention-getting thin but still technically underweight), but I know I'm still under where I need to be for best health.  The obvious answer would be to cut back on the cardio that I'm doing, and I really think that needs to be my next goal.  Since I've been doing the strength training I've been trying to get more protein and eat more frequently on those workout days (although without really adding any calories, just rearranging them).  So another thing I could do is boost energy intake....but I feel like lifestyle-wise is is the exercise that really needs to be worked on.  I eat enough that I can manage in most out-of-routine situations and can have pretty much whatever foods I want in "real person" portions or even larger. Or I could, gasp, try both at the same time, if it doesn't make my head explode.

This is long and rambly and I really hope that the talk of losing fat and inches isn't triggering.  I've vacillated back and forth over whether to post this, actually, and have been sitting on it a couple of days.  I just wanted to reiterate that I have NOT been increasing my exercise total, losing weight, or aiming to become one of those stringy scary muscle beast women that stalk around Gold's Gym twitching their quads at people (yes, I see them every day).  So I was a bit unsure about posting, but I have been such a skeptic on the cardio vs non cardio exercise issue that I really felt like it deserved a testimonial.

I guess the gist in anecdotal form is: In spring 2010 I was working on reducing cardio, cut my cardio almost in half....and didn't really see a weight or body change...all that extra working out I'd been doing hadn't really affected my body size/shape except to wear it out. (Didn't keep me from reverting back to the higher level later that year, more as stress relief than anything else. Work in progress). So in a nutshell, X hours more of cardio really matter, but subbing in just a couple of short strength sessions a week has quantifiably changed my body and shown me that cardio all the way isn't really the best for making a person fit overall.  Should've been a duh, I guess, but old habits die hard.  I guess I just find that kind of thing fascinating, I like data.  I am NOT writing this to convince everyone to go out and start lifting weights, of course, wouldn't advise anyone to start a routine without consulting at least their therapist and probably a doctor (yes, my therapist and doctor know I've been doing this).  Okay I hope that is enough disclaimering and no one will hate me. *cringe*

Match will be here in 3 hours for our September weekend, woot!

Love y'all.