So maybe it's better that I didn't know. Or I'll just try to tell myself that.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Being Tested
Being tested this week. Short notice change of plans with Match following a day when I feel like I've WAY overeaten (even though I've had the exact same number of cals that I've been eating every day for months) and am having major body blahs because of this damn exercise challenge. Makes me wish I was a monk so that I could rend my robes and gnash my teeth or however the hell it was that they were able to respectably express angst to the world. I guess that is what blogs are for, get with the third millennium, Cammy. We're having date night tomorrow instead of Sunday (5 monthiversery), and if I'd known that I would NOT have eaten the types of food that I ate today.
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12 comments:
Don't worry Cammy. You will be ok!
Oh, Cammy, I know this is hard and feels so "not right," but keep in mind that it "is right." You have major body blahs, but you are not gaining all kinds of weight. It feels bad, but you are not bad. You feel fat, but you are not fat.
You deserve to be able to eat normally on a day you go out to eat. To not do so is just being mean to yourself. You deserve more. And nothing bad will happen. You'll feel bad probably, but your body won't change shape, your world won't topple, you'll still be the same person.
Breaking from routine and pattern is so hard, but you've been doing an INCREDIBLE and an INSPIRING job with this exercise challenge. This sudden date night is an added challenge on top of a challenge, but you'll get through it. Let the anxiety rise and just wait for it to fall again. It will fall.
Hang in there, keep going. You're taking steps right now to live fully and live freely.
You are amazing.
PS: Happy 5 month anniversary!
"We're having date night tomorrow instead of Sunday (5 monthiversery), and if I'd known that I would NOT have eaten the types of food that I ate today."...but but, the aim is to gain weight, get healthy and look pretty, yes?? This is a good thing!
I know this is going to sound lame, but here it is:
I think that practising being flexible is a great way to challenge our ED. Sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone to realize that we are capable of more than we previously thought. So consider this to be a good experience!
Congrats on the 5 months!
Lisa, that did not sound lame at all!
Hope you ate and enjoyed your date!
It's good you're getting your frustration out here! I predict you will have a great time with Match tomorrow and being with someone who is obviously attracted to you will put your anxiety in perspective.
Your body can handle a meal out once in a while, even if it's richer than usual, so there is no need to cut back in the days leading up to it. Think long term - in the scheme of things, if you total up the food you eat in a month, one meal is negligable. Don't compromise your recovery over it!
The date is actually not til tonight, which I guess shows just how far in advance I tend to alter my behavior for plans like this...nothing like good ole exposure therapy. And I do not think your ideas are lame at all Lisa, quite to the contrary! Thanks for all the support, y'all.
Hang in there, CAmmy! Let yourself treat yourself well and have fun tonight!
Hope you have so much fun tonight! Happy monthiversary! Please know you deserve so much love and celebration - and that includes flexibility and treats like a dinner out! ;)
I hope the date goes well; I can definitely relate to the agony involved in going out! Try not to let it get the best of you, as hard as it is... in the grand scheme of things, it IS only one night. (Yes, I know I sound totally hypocritical here. I'm talking to myself too, if that counts.)
<3 <3
Hey!
I just came across your blog and I love reading it! I can't wait to continue to follow it!
I would love it if you could check out my blog and follow as well :)
Jenna
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