Milestone Weekend

So, I am now an Alum.  It hasn't really sunken in yet.  I'm not really "free," because grad school is ahead, and I'm not even particularly thrilled to be leaving here, because I love this town/school more than any other place I've ever lived (and as an Army brat who attended 9 schools between kindergarten and 12th grade, that says something).

But, it has turned into a really happy weekend.  Mostly because of my family and friends that celebrated with me.  There is a lot I could say about the weekend, but I think I'm still processing.  It was definitely a whirlwind, with 14 family members descending on me on Friday, non-stop entertaining yesterday, Mother's Day bash for breakfast this morning and then poof, everyone hits the road and I'm solo again.  I was very ready for some solitary recharge time, but it's sad to see them go.

I guess the one solidly formed thought that I have from the weekend is that it was such a nice change to be healthy enough to really enjoy visiting with my family.  I let myself eat without knowing my calorie tallies, had more than the damned default grilled chicken salad at restaurants, and didn't freak out over altered exercise patterns.  I cannot remember the last family gathering we had where I wasn't cranky and quiet and extremely anxious due to concerns about eating and exercise.  By the end of a weekend I would be utterly drained, dehydrated, unable to focus . . . not exactly the life of the party.

My dress was something I could never have worn a year ago, not without looking like a pathetic little kid in her mom's clothing.  I was able to realize, "yes, my body has changed, but it works pretty damn well in this outfit, so I guess I'll go with it...."

Not that I was completely laid back and carefree the entire weekend, and I did get workouts in (no one was staying at my place, so I had time for that in the early morning/late night hours), and I worried  about how fat I would look in all of my pictures, but those thoughts, for once, weren't dominating my inner dialogue.  I honestly did feel calm and comfortable to a degree that I haven't experienced in a long time.  

I was happy.  That may sound simple, but for me this is still a novelty.  My little cousin offered to share her M&Ms, and I took a few.  At my party, I drank my entire class of wine, instead of just politely sipping it once for the toast.  I traded bites of meals with my brothers at the restaurant last night.  Little things like that, which I guess normal people don't really think about (?), but made it a new and enjoyable experience for me.

Graduating from college is one of the standard milestones in a person's life, but I think that right now the most significant milestones are the small parts of daily life that I am slowly rediscovering.