Today was a roller coaster. I was still feeling pretty down from yesterday when I woke up this morning, but then I got great news about grad school (up). Then I had to think about some very tough choices for the next step of my career (down). Then I had coffee with a good friend, took my mind off everything else (up). Then a frustrating conversation with an adviser in which I felt misunderstood and patronized (down). After that, more thinking about my hard decision, ultra-frustration because it seems that no matter what I do, somebody is going to be disappointed (way down).
Then, a new idea for a creative solution to the decision problem (way up). Now, anxiety that I will be the only one that thinks it's a good idea (eeeek).
At least today's roller coaster functioned to mostly keep my mind off of my body. I was so high anxiety that I truly had no appetite all day, but I ate what I knew I had to. And called J. to apologize for yesterday and make plans for Easter together. It's hard to believe that in two months we'll be in separate far-flung parts of the country . . . just so many changes coming up.
Anywho, this is probably the most mundane and boring post I've ever written, I can't go into much detail about the news, etc. for the sake of anonymity, but the day was pretty exciting/exhausting in "real life." Thanks again to everyone, I hope all of you have a fantabulous holiday weekend, take care!
3 comments:
Cammy,
None of your posts is boring. They are genuine.
I´m sorry for you have so tough days. Making decisions is always owerwhelming issue for me, actually much more scary than the change itself. I feel all these expectations on my family, teachers, myself...
But I am trying to convince myself there are no good and bad resolutions and that even when facing great pressure I can decide how much freedom I want.
Have a nice long Easter weekend and give yourself enough freedom in every small and big decision!
hey I just stumbled upon your blog the other day and while I don't usually bother to comment I wanted to say that it's amazingly refreshing, beyond your obvious strength and really admirable capability to move past eating issues (while you seem to mention stagnation a lot there is an obviously healthy and lovely pattern emerging in your ability to look at things rationally and appreciate true health) to see- or read, rather- a blog so eloquent and informative and well-written. I don't mean to disparage ANY forum for talking about eating disorders but it does seem that so often they're misinformed and just not written with the care and intellectual thought that seems to go into yours. Anyways, phewf, that was long, but thanks so much for sharing this with the internet mini world and don't underestimate how well you are doing! and congrats (I think?) on what sounds like exciting opportunities in the future!
Congrats on your great news! Sounds like at least 50% of the day was up. I know the feeling of coming up with a great idea and then everyone thinking it's crazy or ridiculous. That's how I felt when I was thinking of changing careers to become a youth probation officer. I was the only one who liked that idea, and everyone I knew felt that it was their right to give me their opinion, whether I asked for it or not.
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