Sometimes we change because we want to: lose weight,* go vegan, find God, get sober. But sometimes we change because we have no choice, and since this violates our manifest destiny to do as we please, it may take a while before we notice that those are often the changes we need to make most.
Right now I am really uncomfortable with my weight, feel guilty about the amount of food on my plan, etc etc, but I have way too much on the line to go backwards. I'm held hostage by my own future, I guess you could say? I know my knee-jerk reaction to just slip back into ED ways will compromise way too many things. I have to be healthy whether I like it or not, because I am way too passionate about what I do to let this stupid disease steal the next decade like it has the past one. So there. Do I feel good about everything? No, not really. Would sliding back into destructive mode simplify things? No, although sometimes it's tempting to believe that. Can I be certain I'll be happy in the end? No, but I am certain the alternative won't make me any happier, so I guess there's not much to lose. . .
*Yes, the author assumes everyone should want to lose weight, welcome to today's culture.
4 comments:
Cammy,
This totally echoes my mindset right now- "held captive by my future." I suppose it is better than being held captive by my past but still...
I totally understand what you're saying. When does it get comfortable?
Good quote. I think a lot of us feel this way. We realize that we really can't continue to live the way we did before and MUST change if we want the life we have ever envisioned for ourselves.
I feel completely the same right now.
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