"This isn't dinner, just wanted to eat"

People interest me.  I am endlessly fascinated by apparent way that different genders, races, ages, etc., experience the world.  How would my life be different if I had been born male, or black, or deaf, if I was short or if I had red-hair or a Jewish family?  Even something as simple as birth order: what would it be like if my mother hadn't miscarried one pregnancy before she had me?  Who would I be, and how much different would my life path have been?

I think that it is pretty safe to say that men and women experience different cultures of food and body (among other things).  The messages, norms, and tolerance are just different.  I had an interesting experience with this last week, and it gave me some interesting food for thought (no pun intended).  

I was over at J.'s apartment, studying for one of our finals.  His roommate was camped out in the living room with us, also studying killing time on Facebook with some class notes scattered

 around for decoration. 

After about an hour and a half Roomie wandered into the kitchen and started fixing dinner (potatoes, Bagel Bites, Skittles, and coffee--yes, they are bachelors!).  As soon as J. got a whiff of the food, he abandoned studying and went in to start foraging also.  Being the polite host that he is, he brought some potatoes into the living room where I was, and commenced to chopping away, sprawled on the floor amid our papers and books.  

There had been no mention of our study session involving dinner.  I had my own meal planned out at home, with no intention of eating whatever came out of their kitchen.  So I felt pretty awkward that they were preparing to eat, and I started to gather my stuff, thinking it would be most polite to leave them to their meal.  In my world, people like to be left alone to conduct their food rituals, and eating is a largely private endeavor.

J: Where are you going?  

Me: Home, I'll let you guys have dinner, and we're almost done covering stuff anyway.

J: [confused look on his face]  This isn't dinner, I just wanted to eat.  Help yourself, C., don't leave.

Me: No no, that's fine, I'll just get going.

J: [frown]

Roomie: There's plenty of potato for everyone, and I heard your stomach growling earlier, do you want yours baked whole or sliced n'fried?

Me: Neither, I need to go anyway, G. hasn't been out in a while and I have X, Y, and Z to do...[more rambling about various urgent business I need to attend to elsewhere]

J: [frown]

Roomie: Want some Skittles for the road?  I'll even give you all the purple ones...

Me: [frown]

So I gathered my stuff and made my escape, leaving them to their Bachelor Gourmet, but the incident gave me a lot to ponder.  If I had been with two female friends, I cannot imagine that they would just wander into the kitchen and randomly start making a meal in the middle of a study session with the infinite nonchalance that J. and his roommate did.  If they did decide to cook something without making the plans beforehand, I can imagine it would involve much apologizing/excuse making.  What, you actually have physical needs for fuel?  Better come up with some explanation for that one, girl, do you think you're just entitled to appetite or something?  The declaration "this isn't dinner, just wanted to eat," seems much more natural to come from a male (our society is all about males having and filling needs and desires) than a female.  Maybe I am reading too much into this, or not painting an adequate picture of the episode.  

I don't think it's just an issue of me, someone with an ED, observing "normal" people, although that is possible.  It's pretty widely accepted (with evidence from emprical studies in addition to common lay observations) that women are more prone to walking on eggshells around food.  If you eavesdrop on women (or girls) during meals, they are much, much more likely to be talking about the calories and fat--and the associated guilt--of the food than men are.  

Don't get me wrong, I'm not an ultra-feminist type, and I do realize that 1 out of every 10 ED sufferers is indeed in possession of a Y chromosome.  My own brother has had eating issues in the past.  And I have plenty of female friends that are not ashamed about loving food.  But it still seems that men and women inhabit different spheres when it comes to food culture.  In one sphere,  "plenty of potato for everyone" seems a logical excuse to eat, and in the other things tend to be slightly more complicated.

Of course, nothing is black and white when you're dealing with people.  There are exceptions to every rule, counter-examples for every case study.  So: What do you think, have you had any similar experiences, or ones in which people significantly departed from  their gender's expected behavior around food?

 (What about species and food behavior? ;) This is just for grins, BUT I have actually caught G. in exactly the same mischief as the dog in the photo!)