So, it's behind me, but my anxiety level isn't really going down. I haven't made much progress on my honors thesis this semester, between 20 hours of classes, teaching, two other jobs, running an organization, doing student recruitment events, etc etc . . . I'm really going to have to get crunching on that, plus grad school applications/interviews, getting ready to move out this summer, etc, etc, etc . . . I am still feeling slightly majorly overwhelmed.
Plus there is other stuff. I am supposed to be building a life outside ED, remember? I have stacks of books I want to read (I actually read several a week even during the semester, but there are way too many interesting ones out there . . . ), some movies I want to watch, places to go/things to do with friends, and I have really, really been wanting to take up piano again. H. thinks I need a "creative outlet," and I miss the piano quite a bit. Yesterday I sank more money than I could really afford into buying myself a decent digital piano (my real one "lives" at my parents' house, I'll reclaim it when I'm out of school and settled somewhere), and I have the best intentions to make time to play it, but I'm worried about that too. Does it defeat the purpose of finding "outlets" if I just get anxiety about how I'm going to find time for them?
I also have a ton of blog topics I have been itching to write, but I've limited my blogging during finals. Now I don't really know where to start. I feel mixed up about my body and my life in general, what else is new. I am uber stressed about going home for Christmas, but that seems so expected and cliche that I am almost embarrassed to write about it, just another cookie cutter anxiety vent. Feeling like a stereotype sucks.
Maybe, methinks, a few nights of decent sleep will make the world seem more manageable. Surely if I made it through this hellish semester, I can juggle anything. I have four days before I leave for Christmas, but I have to squeeze in the dentist, orthopedist, H., and my Christmas shopping and packing . . . can I please just go find a hole to crawl into for the next few months?
4 comments:
And deep breath.
Don't feel like you're a "stereotype." We all freak out about going home, but for our own, special neurotic reasons.
BTW I hope you're waaaay warmer there than it is here in Ohio.
First off, yeah the semester is over. I know the feeling like you get to shrug for a moment, but then have to move on to the next thing.
You have a lot going on, but I'd try to focus on one thing at a time. Anxiety and getting through the holidays. I know it doesn't make it any easier.
Very cool that you play piano. I never knew that ;-) I think it is great that you bought yourself a digital one, although feeling anxious to try to fit it in can defeat the purpose. Maybe instead of looking at it as trying to fit it in, but rather setting a little time out to just play?
Good luck with getting the appts. and such scheduled. It's kind of crunch time for everyone on that end.
Oh I know that post-exams vacuum so well! On the one hand it's exciting to be free, but on the other hand you've got such a slew of thoughts, projects, and people you've been putting off til now that it's difficult to attack the extrascholastic to-do list.
I think getting some good sleep is an excellent priority. After that, I think your plans sound awesome. Good luck with the piano!
Ahhhhhh....I miss my piano too. My parents gave me a digital one at Thanksgiving that they didn't use. It's just not the same but hopefully it will do.
Those dang brilliant composers who use 6 octaves!
Glad your finals are over...time to begin reserving a little time here and there for yourself, you know?
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