The good news:
I think I found a place to live! Found a cute duplex just half a mile from campus, quiet neighborhood with fenced backyard for the G-ster. It is actually just 2 houses down from where M. used to live, before he moved to go to grad school (just to clarify, in case anyone was confused, I'm moving back to the *same* town I lived in last school year, before I moved up here to save money by staying with family in between field excursions). I know the neighborhood already, and it's way better for dog-walking than the place I lived before in that town. I still hate the city, but I think the better location this time will make it at least a bit more tolerable.
That isn't finalized yet, but they have it on hold for my while they process my application, so hopefully it'll be a done deal by the end of the week.
The bad news:
The cause of the tooth pain I mentioned in the last post was a lost filling. :( I had a routine cleaning last week, and am going to get the filling replaced tomorrow. They put a temporary sealant over it, so pain wasn't so bad over the weekend.
The challenge: M. has family just about 30 miles south of here, and his mom is in town for a visit. So I'm going over to meet her today, she wanted to show me around the family farm and visit for a while. We arranged for a mid-morning meeting, my suggestion to avoid awkward food situations, but then she sprang on me that she wanted to cook us lunch and already had a recipe in mind. It's vegetarian, but not all that Cammy-friendly for various reasons...so it will be a challenge to spin that situation without looking weird or offending her. If you recall the post from way back when, you'll remember she does know I have a history of anorexia, but I think is under the impression that it is pretty much a bygone and solved issue. Still, will definitely feel under the microscope....big deep breath. She's nice and funny and very enjoyable, so I really just want to focus on that and have a good time. M. has 2 older brothers (one is available, ladies! ;p) but no sisters, so she doesn't get "girl time" that often!
Ok, updatage later. Happy Monday everyone, love y'all!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Crushed
Warning, epic ventage is forthcoming.
I am really, really stressed and overwhelmed right now. Just a ton on my plate, I haven't felt great, and I'm in that mode where I hate going to bed knowing that I have to get up and face another day in the morning. I just feel crushed by everything at the moment.
A few items on my mind:
-Finding a place to live when I move back to university town in May. Which is extremely hard when you have a large dog that excludes you from many complexes/rental companies. And when the town is shitty and most of the places you can afford are not safe.
-Planning summer trips, which include, in the course of 3 months, 2 international field expeditions, one cross-country trip to a conference, one trip to see my biological dad's family (they've only met me twice in my entire life), a trek home to visit my maternal grandparents, and trying to squeeze in visits with Match.
-Renewing my car registration and driver's license in a state that is a 10 hour drive away.
-Having major tooth pain issues, and zero dental coverage on my student insurance package.
-Apparently I owe the medical center in University Town $500, I have NO IDEA why but they reported me to a debt collector, so now it's on my credit score right before I'll be applying to rent places when I move back. The lawyer involved refuses to return my calls or answer written requests for an itemization of the charges.
-Taxes. They don't withhold it from my stipend through the school, so I have to set it aside every month and pay up a lump sum at the end of the year. I did that, but have stress over whether there will be any curveballs I hadn't budgeted for.
-A prospective PhD adviser that I was really excited about hasn't returned my last email for over a week.
-I am statistically incompetent, apparently, and am struggling to get my data together to make a coherent abstract for the talk I'm giving at a conference this summer.
-Another journal submission rejected by reviewers. FML. At this rate I need to make the new acronym FMC, Fuck My Career.
-I'm just sick of not having a peer group or friends here. I literally don't talk to ANYONE all day besides texts with Match when he's not in class/office and a few encounters with my family in the evenings. Less than 2 months now til I move back to University Town. I actually really hate that city and school, but at least I'll have someone to talk to during the day besides my geriatric gym buddy. Although I will indeed miss her.
-Major travel burnout. Dreading having to make the 11 hour drive (each way) to visit Match next month. Don't get me wrong, I'm dying to see him, but I am just so over being on the road right now. In May I'll be moving to University Town then gone half the month to another hemisphere. June I have to come back here for my brother's high school graduation, then fly 3000 miles for a meeting, and we're going a few days early because my adviser wants to take the lab sight-seeing/camping. Then directly after the 5 day conference I'll be spending almost a week with my estranged family I haven't seen since I was 2. Then just 2 weeks after that I'm back to the other hemisphere again for last field session. And again, have to squeeze Match Time in somewhere. I'm just really, really overwhelmed and unsure of how I'm going to handle that when it comes to food, exercise, and general sanity.
I am really, really stressed and overwhelmed right now. Just a ton on my plate, I haven't felt great, and I'm in that mode where I hate going to bed knowing that I have to get up and face another day in the morning. I just feel crushed by everything at the moment.
A few items on my mind:
-Finding a place to live when I move back to university town in May. Which is extremely hard when you have a large dog that excludes you from many complexes/rental companies. And when the town is shitty and most of the places you can afford are not safe.
-Planning summer trips, which include, in the course of 3 months, 2 international field expeditions, one cross-country trip to a conference, one trip to see my biological dad's family (they've only met me twice in my entire life), a trek home to visit my maternal grandparents, and trying to squeeze in visits with Match.
-Renewing my car registration and driver's license in a state that is a 10 hour drive away.
-Having major tooth pain issues, and zero dental coverage on my student insurance package.
-Apparently I owe the medical center in University Town $500, I have NO IDEA why but they reported me to a debt collector, so now it's on my credit score right before I'll be applying to rent places when I move back. The lawyer involved refuses to return my calls or answer written requests for an itemization of the charges.
-Taxes. They don't withhold it from my stipend through the school, so I have to set it aside every month and pay up a lump sum at the end of the year. I did that, but have stress over whether there will be any curveballs I hadn't budgeted for.
-A prospective PhD adviser that I was really excited about hasn't returned my last email for over a week.
-I am statistically incompetent, apparently, and am struggling to get my data together to make a coherent abstract for the talk I'm giving at a conference this summer.
-Another journal submission rejected by reviewers. FML. At this rate I need to make the new acronym FMC, Fuck My Career.
-I'm just sick of not having a peer group or friends here. I literally don't talk to ANYONE all day besides texts with Match when he's not in class/office and a few encounters with my family in the evenings. Less than 2 months now til I move back to University Town. I actually really hate that city and school, but at least I'll have someone to talk to during the day besides my geriatric gym buddy. Although I will indeed miss her.
-Major travel burnout. Dreading having to make the 11 hour drive (each way) to visit Match next month. Don't get me wrong, I'm dying to see him, but I am just so over being on the road right now. In May I'll be moving to University Town then gone half the month to another hemisphere. June I have to come back here for my brother's high school graduation, then fly 3000 miles for a meeting, and we're going a few days early because my adviser wants to take the lab sight-seeing/camping. Then directly after the 5 day conference I'll be spending almost a week with my estranged family I haven't seen since I was 2. Then just 2 weeks after that I'm back to the other hemisphere again for last field session. And again, have to squeeze Match Time in somewhere. I'm just really, really overwhelmed and unsure of how I'm going to handle that when it comes to food, exercise, and general sanity.
So all of this resulted in a 3 hour crying session yesterday evening. M. was also having a bad day and we were tense, and that kind of put me over the edge with feeling like an incompetent failure at EVERYTHING and wishing I could just turn the world off.
Although in the past I've mentioned that my mom can be disconnected sometimes when it comes to talking about hard stuff, she really is an awesome person. She didn't get home from school until almost 9:00, but noticed something as off with me (my slapstick brothers and dad are oblivious to cues) immediately and came up to my room for a pow-wow...okay, it was a meltdown. Much sobbing and snot slinging later, I did actually feel better. Was nice to just unload, and she is uber-smart and capable, she went over every issue with me and made me see how it can work out, without minimizing or dismissing my stress.
Interestingly, later when I'd calmed down and went to tell her good night, she also asked how my eating has been, said she worries about that when I'm stressed. I just nodded that it was ok. And she asked if I was sure, and I nodded. And that was that. Seeing how I display my fantastic powers of conversation and confession like that, I really can't blame her for not addressing it very often. In truth, my eating is ok, I'm doing the meal plan, which is designed for someone my age/height doing an hour of cardio a week....but that's a joke, and the exercise is still totally kicking my ass. I don't know how to explain that to her or what the hell I'd expect her to do about it anyway.
Ok, sorry to have made y'all a part of the unloading, thanks to anyone who read down this far. much love.
Friday, March 18, 2011
The Lonely Space
So, I've lagged in updating about my recent pilgrimage up to Match's place. I drove instead of flying this time, since both of us are flat broke, and the trip really taxes me, especially since there was wintry weather on the way up.
We cooked at home a lot more this time (see the reference to us being Flat Broke Kids in last paragraph), which does make it easier for me to eat better, since I don't do the freakout-overcompensation cycle that I sometimes fall into if I don't know nutrition facts for my food. No, it's not the best way to be and I promise I am working on that. But for now, preparing my own food means I'm more likely to get better nutrition and to be more relaxed about it.
And I did challenge myself with eating more "real foods" around him. For a lot of our relationship, my eating habits around him have consisted of rabbity restaurant meals and maybe a granola or protein bar on the sly at some point during the day. Part of it is that I'm paranoid about bloat around him, part of it is that I feel almost obligated not to draw attention to my eating by doing something new and different. I know he wouldn't judge me and would actually probably be thrilled, but it's just complicated.
Case in point: we splurged and went out to a Hibachi place for his birthday on Monday night. I got the seafood special (lobster, scallops, shrimp...told you we splurged!) and ate every damn bit of seafood they put on my plate, even after watching them cook it in tons of butter and oil in front of us. M noticed this, and he made a small but appreciated comment that it was awesome and he appreciated me playing along on a special night out with him. Sort of similar to our awesome Valentine's Day dinner last month.
So anyway, there were indeed ups. There were also downs. I felt guilty about hibachi and definitely under-ate the next day, to the point that I felt fuzzy and headachey on our last evening together. The thing is, he is so blissfully oblivious to nutrition facts and calories that he honestly doesn't realize that I can make myself 3 meals a day while still consuming less than half my normal calories.
He said at one point that he was really glad I was doing so much better with food, and I was happy he was happy, but inside I really felt very lonely and sort of lost...in fact I was eating about the same calories as I have on previous trips there, it's just that I was hiding it better from him by cooking with my fat-free this and light version that and eating everything at meals instead of having surreptitious snacks later that he didn't see. Plus I am highly aware that he is very unaware of how many calories are in things. It often takes me longer to finish meals than him because my food is bulkier (he doesn't eat anything that might have contained chlorophyll at any stage of its life cycle), so it probably indeed seems like I'm getting plenty if you don't crunch the numbers.
I really did try to articulate something to explain what was going on, but I think he misread my hesitance for annoyance that he'd brought the issue up, and he quickly diverted to a different subject. Which brought both relief and a sort of pent-up disappointment for me.
And I hate ever feeling like there's something I can't tell him. Besides being my boyfriend, he's also the best friend I've ever had, and it's awfully strange and lonely to feel like something that affects me so much is something I can't explain to him.
So this discrepancy bothered me, and I kind of ruminated on it for a few days. I finally brought it up to him yesterday. We talked about it, and he did express a bit of surprise and said he was glad I opened up, because he didn't want to be kept in the dark about something that was such an issue for me. He said he wouldn't have guessed that the 3 meals I was making were so little calories, wasn't aware I was compensating for hibachi the day after, etc etc. He didn't get mad or freaked out when I told him, he was mainly concerned that I am not always open with him for fear of creating stress/tension. How the hell have I not scared this guy away yet?
And I hope it doesn't seem as though I have some need for him to see me as sick or having a special issue. I want him to know when I'm having a hard time because it's so lonely hiding it, but I don't want the ED issues to be my identity, either in this relationship or with the wider world.
So that was that. I really, really hate when the ED affects how I interact with the people I care about, I think one of my biggest motivators to recover fully is just to be able to be a fucking normal person to be around.
Been back on meal plan as normal since I've been home, by the way. Pretty burned out on travel at this point and really just need some recharge time.
love y'all
We cooked at home a lot more this time (see the reference to us being Flat Broke Kids in last paragraph), which does make it easier for me to eat better, since I don't do the freakout-overcompensation cycle that I sometimes fall into if I don't know nutrition facts for my food. No, it's not the best way to be and I promise I am working on that. But for now, preparing my own food means I'm more likely to get better nutrition and to be more relaxed about it.
And I did challenge myself with eating more "real foods" around him. For a lot of our relationship, my eating habits around him have consisted of rabbity restaurant meals and maybe a granola or protein bar on the sly at some point during the day. Part of it is that I'm paranoid about bloat around him, part of it is that I feel almost obligated not to draw attention to my eating by doing something new and different. I know he wouldn't judge me and would actually probably be thrilled, but it's just complicated.
Case in point: we splurged and went out to a Hibachi place for his birthday on Monday night. I got the seafood special (lobster, scallops, shrimp...told you we splurged!) and ate every damn bit of seafood they put on my plate, even after watching them cook it in tons of butter and oil in front of us. M noticed this, and he made a small but appreciated comment that it was awesome and he appreciated me playing along on a special night out with him. Sort of similar to our awesome Valentine's Day dinner last month.
So anyway, there were indeed ups. There were also downs. I felt guilty about hibachi and definitely under-ate the next day, to the point that I felt fuzzy and headachey on our last evening together. The thing is, he is so blissfully oblivious to nutrition facts and calories that he honestly doesn't realize that I can make myself 3 meals a day while still consuming less than half my normal calories.
He said at one point that he was really glad I was doing so much better with food, and I was happy he was happy, but inside I really felt very lonely and sort of lost...in fact I was eating about the same calories as I have on previous trips there, it's just that I was hiding it better from him by cooking with my fat-free this and light version that and eating everything at meals instead of having surreptitious snacks later that he didn't see. Plus I am highly aware that he is very unaware of how many calories are in things. It often takes me longer to finish meals than him because my food is bulkier (he doesn't eat anything that might have contained chlorophyll at any stage of its life cycle), so it probably indeed seems like I'm getting plenty if you don't crunch the numbers.
I really did try to articulate something to explain what was going on, but I think he misread my hesitance for annoyance that he'd brought the issue up, and he quickly diverted to a different subject. Which brought both relief and a sort of pent-up disappointment for me.
And I hate ever feeling like there's something I can't tell him. Besides being my boyfriend, he's also the best friend I've ever had, and it's awfully strange and lonely to feel like something that affects me so much is something I can't explain to him.
So this discrepancy bothered me, and I kind of ruminated on it for a few days. I finally brought it up to him yesterday. We talked about it, and he did express a bit of surprise and said he was glad I opened up, because he didn't want to be kept in the dark about something that was such an issue for me. He said he wouldn't have guessed that the 3 meals I was making were so little calories, wasn't aware I was compensating for hibachi the day after, etc etc. He didn't get mad or freaked out when I told him, he was mainly concerned that I am not always open with him for fear of creating stress/tension. How the hell have I not scared this guy away yet?
And I hope it doesn't seem as though I have some need for him to see me as sick or having a special issue. I want him to know when I'm having a hard time because it's so lonely hiding it, but I don't want the ED issues to be my identity, either in this relationship or with the wider world.
So that was that. I really, really hate when the ED affects how I interact with the people I care about, I think one of my biggest motivators to recover fully is just to be able to be a fucking normal person to be around.
Been back on meal plan as normal since I've been home, by the way. Pretty burned out on travel at this point and really just need some recharge time.
love y'all
Monday, March 14, 2011
Out of Office
It occurred to me that I didn't do a "I'm on hiatus" post before leaving for my most recent trip. I'm currently at M's, up here for almost a week to reconnect after my last research trip and celebrate his birthday. So anyway, I am gone but shall return later this week!
I'm working hard at eating more normally while I'm here this time. I've done a bit better, despite the fact that the cold weather is still really restricting our outdoor activities (who goes NORTH for spring break, I ask you? Someone who must love their northwards boy a lot, lol). It's been pretty challenging and I've had more body anxiety issues (even though I weigh exactly what I did the last time I saw him), but I think I am making progress . . . maybe not a ton with total intake of calories, but with being comfortable cooking and eating more "real foods" in front of him instead of just going the salad route in restaurants and having a granola bar or something on the down-low later. I don't think his perception of what this means quite matches my experience of it, but I'll get into more of a discussion on that in a post when I'm back home.
Ok, hope everyone had a great weekend, love y'all!
I'm working hard at eating more normally while I'm here this time. I've done a bit better, despite the fact that the cold weather is still really restricting our outdoor activities (who goes NORTH for spring break, I ask you? Someone who must love their northwards boy a lot, lol). It's been pretty challenging and I've had more body anxiety issues (even though I weigh exactly what I did the last time I saw him), but I think I am making progress . . . maybe not a ton with total intake of calories, but with being comfortable cooking and eating more "real foods" in front of him instead of just going the salad route in restaurants and having a granola bar or something on the down-low later. I don't think his perception of what this means quite matches my experience of it, but I'll get into more of a discussion on that in a post when I'm back home.
Ok, hope everyone had a great weekend, love y'all!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Heart Scarred by Over Exercise
As someone who continues to struggle with overexercise problems, my (potentially scarred) heart sank a bit when I read this New York Times article about a study that shows that hard-core athletes have significantly higher levels of scar tissue on the heart than people of similar ages that were not rigorous athletes. Kind of disheartening (pun intended, I'll be honest), but something to be aware of, so I wanted to share.
There have been more than a few periods of my life where a turnaround in ED behaviors was motivated purely by fear because my heart palpitations had gotten so bad. I had to wear a Holter monitor once in high school, and I think if anything could have served as an eye-opener, it was that.
It also struck me that the study subjects were male marathoners (the authors do say that they predict the results would be consistent in women, although a female trial hasn't been conducted yet) and lab rats, most of whom probably kept themselves as well nourished and fueled as possible during the competition days, it would be interesting to see a study on the degree to which nutritional stress exacerbates this effect.
There have been more than a few periods of my life where a turnaround in ED behaviors was motivated purely by fear because my heart palpitations had gotten so bad. I had to wear a Holter monitor once in high school, and I think if anything could have served as an eye-opener, it was that.
It also struck me that the study subjects were male marathoners (the authors do say that they predict the results would be consistent in women, although a female trial hasn't been conducted yet) and lab rats, most of whom probably kept themselves as well nourished and fueled as possible during the competition days, it would be interesting to see a study on the degree to which nutritional stress exacerbates this effect.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Inadvertent False Confession
I don't get my mom. I love her, but I don't get her. Granted, it's probably mutual.
A couple of days ago, the morning after I got back from my trip, I was telling her about how the adventure had gone and mentioned the nights I was sick. I made the same comment I used in my post, the hyperbolic "I think I threw up everything I'd eaten for the last 6 months."
I guess she was only half-listening to me (she was Facebook-cruising on her laptop), because apparently she managed to tune out everything but that phrase. There was a pause, and she turned to me very solemnly and said, kinda shaky, "You have?"
I was quick to correct her perception and assure her, that no, I was just exaggerating about the prodigious volume of stuff my body managed to eject over the course of 48 hours. Purging is something I have never done, not once, in the 11+ years of my ED. I tried a couple of times early on, I won't lie, but just couldn't seem to do it and was too scared of side effects to really try.
So anyway, I'm not sure who was more surprised: my mom, at what she thought, albeit momentarily, was a confession to a new and prolonged ED behavior, or me, that 1) she would think I'd been doing that in her house unnoticed for 6 months and 2) that she actually seemed very concerned and willing to talk about it. You see, my mom's main way to deal with my ED has been to largely pretend it isn't there. Okay, not largely, almost completely. Even now that I'm living with them again, my eating/exercise habits are totally not discussed, it's just assumed I'll do my own thing. Which, to be honest, is how I prefer it, of course, right? Especially after living on my own for 5 years, and at this point I'm just 8 weeks from moving out again anyway.
I think her rationale has always been that she can't *make* me do anything, and sees it as kind of a futile power struggle to involve herself. I don't blame her for my ED at all or hold resentment in any way, but I think I have a lot of regrets that she wasn't more involved and forceful in the early stages of my ED, when it was less ingrained in my life and a bit of Tiger Mothering might have helped me to avoid still living with it over a decade later. Not that she could have "saved" me and refused to, of course. At the time I just wanted to be left the hell alone. I always just wonder how it would have been different.
Anyway, even now, usually if I bring up something about my ED she will brush it off or even blatantly blow it off. So this new shocking (yet false, although unintentional) confession that she thought she heard was sort of an interesting event. Not quite sure what else I wanted to say about it, it just seemed noteworthy.
A couple of days ago, the morning after I got back from my trip, I was telling her about how the adventure had gone and mentioned the nights I was sick. I made the same comment I used in my post, the hyperbolic "I think I threw up everything I'd eaten for the last 6 months."
I guess she was only half-listening to me (she was Facebook-cruising on her laptop), because apparently she managed to tune out everything but that phrase. There was a pause, and she turned to me very solemnly and said, kinda shaky, "You have?"
I was quick to correct her perception and assure her, that no, I was just exaggerating about the prodigious volume of stuff my body managed to eject over the course of 48 hours. Purging is something I have never done, not once, in the 11+ years of my ED. I tried a couple of times early on, I won't lie, but just couldn't seem to do it and was too scared of side effects to really try.
So anyway, I'm not sure who was more surprised: my mom, at what she thought, albeit momentarily, was a confession to a new and prolonged ED behavior, or me, that 1) she would think I'd been doing that in her house unnoticed for 6 months and 2) that she actually seemed very concerned and willing to talk about it. You see, my mom's main way to deal with my ED has been to largely pretend it isn't there. Okay, not largely, almost completely. Even now that I'm living with them again, my eating/exercise habits are totally not discussed, it's just assumed I'll do my own thing. Which, to be honest, is how I prefer it, of course, right? Especially after living on my own for 5 years, and at this point I'm just 8 weeks from moving out again anyway.
I think her rationale has always been that she can't *make* me do anything, and sees it as kind of a futile power struggle to involve herself. I don't blame her for my ED at all or hold resentment in any way, but I think I have a lot of regrets that she wasn't more involved and forceful in the early stages of my ED, when it was less ingrained in my life and a bit of Tiger Mothering might have helped me to avoid still living with it over a decade later. Not that she could have "saved" me and refused to, of course. At the time I just wanted to be left the hell alone. I always just wonder how it would have been different.
Anyway, even now, usually if I bring up something about my ED she will brush it off or even blatantly blow it off. So this new shocking (yet false, although unintentional) confession that she thought she heard was sort of an interesting event. Not quite sure what else I wanted to say about it, it just seemed noteworthy.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Back (Relatively) Intact
Well hello there. I am home, got in yesterday evening after an insanely long day of travel. Is always so surreal to me to wake up in one hemisphere/continent and go to bed that night in completely different ones.
The trip went well in many ways. Field assistants were great, weather cooperated, data was fanfuckingtastic. As much as I was kind of dreading going, due mostly to just plain travel burn-out, I think it was good for me to spend 10 days getting some serious UV (with sunscreen, of course, SPF 100!), definitely felt the Winter Blue Haze melting off of my mood. Seriously, how can one be unhappy when you wake up to this view every morning?
On the downside, I was violently ill for the first two days/nights at the field site. I mean, I felt like I threw up everything I'd eaten for the last six months. And my body was kind (NOT) enough to have those attacks only at night, and both nights were stormy, so I was basically staggering out into the wind and rain to puke every hour for two nights in a row, by the end I was just retching up blood. I ended up pretty weak and dehydrated as hell, and my esophagus felt ripped to shreds, obviously, but did bounce back pretty quickly. Lots of water and bananas to get my potassium back up, and a whole day (a rare rainless day too, it killed me) off of work. Getting sick is exactly the situation I always dread, because besides the physical stress, I always have volunteer field assistants that literally can't/don't know how to do the work without me, so if I'm down then the whole team is stalled.
Eating and overexercise went about as they normally do there. My body was definitely ready to go by the time the departure date came around. I tend to hit a major exhaustion point around Day 7 in the field, and that was exactly the number of days I was there, this was a relatively short jaunt down there. Weight had decreased a few pounds upon return, but expecting it to come back quickly as I get back to normal routine here. I'm still on Cipro (antibiotic commonly prescribed for tropical stomach ooglies), which is also messing up digestion somewhat.
And holy hell, I was in the tropics just 36 hours ago and woke up to it being 25 degrees here. ACK, my equatorial body doth protest!
Anyway, despite the rather miserable first two days, the trip went incredibly well. No problems with flights or transportation, weather was good enough for me to get work done in time despite sick day and it being rainy season. I'm superthrilled with my research results. And less than one week til I see Match again!
And G. was so happy to see me that he literally has refused to be more than 6 inches away from me since I walked in the door last night. He was even pressed right up against the tub while I was taking a shower, lmao. I am validated!
That's my updatage d'jour. I am WAY behind on blogs but am going to try to get caught up this weekend. Missed y'all!
The trip went well in many ways. Field assistants were great, weather cooperated, data was fanfuckingtastic. As much as I was kind of dreading going, due mostly to just plain travel burn-out, I think it was good for me to spend 10 days getting some serious UV (with sunscreen, of course, SPF 100!), definitely felt the Winter Blue Haze melting off of my mood. Seriously, how can one be unhappy when you wake up to this view every morning?
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On the downside, I was violently ill for the first two days/nights at the field site. I mean, I felt like I threw up everything I'd eaten for the last six months. And my body was kind (NOT) enough to have those attacks only at night, and both nights were stormy, so I was basically staggering out into the wind and rain to puke every hour for two nights in a row, by the end I was just retching up blood. I ended up pretty weak and dehydrated as hell, and my esophagus felt ripped to shreds, obviously, but did bounce back pretty quickly. Lots of water and bananas to get my potassium back up, and a whole day (a rare rainless day too, it killed me) off of work. Getting sick is exactly the situation I always dread, because besides the physical stress, I always have volunteer field assistants that literally can't/don't know how to do the work without me, so if I'm down then the whole team is stalled.
Eating and overexercise went about as they normally do there. My body was definitely ready to go by the time the departure date came around. I tend to hit a major exhaustion point around Day 7 in the field, and that was exactly the number of days I was there, this was a relatively short jaunt down there. Weight had decreased a few pounds upon return, but expecting it to come back quickly as I get back to normal routine here. I'm still on Cipro (antibiotic commonly prescribed for tropical stomach ooglies), which is also messing up digestion somewhat.
And holy hell, I was in the tropics just 36 hours ago and woke up to it being 25 degrees here. ACK, my equatorial body doth protest!
Anyway, despite the rather miserable first two days, the trip went incredibly well. No problems with flights or transportation, weather was good enough for me to get work done in time despite sick day and it being rainy season. I'm superthrilled with my research results. And less than one week til I see Match again!
And G. was so happy to see me that he literally has refused to be more than 6 inches away from me since I walked in the door last night. He was even pressed right up against the tub while I was taking a shower, lmao. I am validated!
That's my updatage d'jour. I am WAY behind on blogs but am going to try to get caught up this weekend. Missed y'all!
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