A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words?

So the Kid Question post touched on relationshippy-ED issues, and there is another one that has been relevant recently that I thought worth mentioning.

Photos.  Everyone loves to hate them; chances are that whether someone has an ED or not, they judge photos of themselves much more harshly than others do.  It can be a MAJOR source of insecurity, especially with our image-heavy social networking communications.

As you know, M. and I live about 12 hours away from each other, and only see each other once a month (sometimes not even that, our current gap will last exactly 40 days...no fun).  And although we have a good collection of photos of us together from our trips, and can look at tons of pictures of each other on Facebook, it's not the same as real-time.

Which means M. often asks me to snap a phone picture (not the kind that would cost me my job if I were in Congress, although I doubt he'd turn those down either. Forty days, man!), just a random one so he can see my real-time face, picture what I'm wearing that day, etc, so he can feel a bit more connected.  It's nothing creepy, we've been dating almost 2 years now, and he just wants to see my smile sometimes when he's down, or missing me especially hard.

Which, when you are totally repulsed by your own image, is a damn hard thing to do. Sort of a no-win situation: I either send him a picture that I think is awful and fear disappointing him, or send him none at all and fear disappointing him.  It's not like he doesn't know what I look like, of course, I'm just convinced I'm the most unphotogenic person in the world, so even on a day I'd be fine with him seeing me in real life, the pictures are awful.

Not to make him sound like a tyrant, he's anything but.  I have never got anything but fantastic feedback on any photo that I've sent him, and he never gets angry if I don't send one when he asks.  But I think sometimes in relationships people that are perfectionists get anxiety over doing everything as "right" as possible to the nth degree, and it sucks some of the fun out of the whole thing to be mired in overanalysis, much as I'm slipping into right now.

I guess my main point here is that the photo issue isn't exactly a point of contention, but it's a compromise.  He gives in to being happy with getting fewer than he would like, and I give in to sending any at all.

Which brings us to the ultimate point/message of this post: I know all relationships involve compromises, but it seems an ED demands making even more than is typical.  Plenty of things can require some patience and understanding from the partner, and some bravery and willing to step up to challenges for the ED sufferer: meal times, restaurant options, activity plans, sometimes intimacy.  Hard line to walk sometimes, but in the end I think sometimes working through those things, and the honesty and love that requires, can help a couple to bond even more closely.  Or it can cause a lot of strife, depends on the dynamics, of course.

What are some relationship compromises you've had to make, either ED-related or otherwise?