In Which I am Punished for Good Behavior

I have the frustrating, unconscious habit of grinding my teeth while I sleep if I am stressed out about something, which is pretty much every night.  Thus, the wear on my teeth is rather disturbing, and my carbonated skeletal system is probably an indicator that my chompers aren't as strong as they should be in the first place.  And fyi, malnutrition plays havoc with your gumline. Consider this a PSA, don't think you are safe just because you don't purge, tooth issues are not limited to bulimics.  Thus, a couple of times a year I go in for patchwork.  I HATE going to the dentist, and am frustrated as hell that despite never purging, I am still dealing with ED-related dental problems.  

Yesterday I needed a couple of sealants and surface fillings, nothing major but enough work that they had to numb part of my mouth.  It was in the very back, though, and I still had full lip/tongue dexterity.  This was good, because I had had to rush to the dentist after class and had no time for lunch.  The dentist said the filling was set instantly and it was fine to eat right away.  I got home at 2:00, and really didn't have much appetite after the mouthwork and everything, but knew that breakfast had been a long time ago and I needed to stick to the meal plan.  So I whipped up some reasonably soft stuff and ate, being very conscious to chew with just the non-numb side...

So that was going slowly but ok, I could even kind of use both sides of my mouth.  And then I chewed down on something a little crunchy, and thought, that's weird, that texture isn't supposed to be in this food . . . tried to just chew it, then finally reached in to dislodge it . . .and came out with blood all over my fingers.  Yes, I had damn near chewed a hole in my cheek without even realizing it.  LOSER.  Greedy hungry hippo cannibal loser!  ACK.  Gross, nasty, blach.

It was sort of interesting though, becuase I was still entirely numb (obviously, or else I would not have experienced the nonchalant self-mastication), so I could look at this bloody mass in my mouth without any pain, just observing and assessing the damage.  That clinical remove prevented me from freaking out.  It was just kind of a feeling of "Cammy, you are a dumbass, and in a few hours that will hurt.  Ok, that's how it is."

And then of course the ED voice kicked in, blaming me for not taking advantage of a perfect excuse to skip a meal.  Not only did I have oral damage, I am going to be fat AND ugly and no one will ever feel sorry for me.  (No, you can't tell at all from the exterior of my face, but it feels pretty ugly on the inside).

So, that is my story of yesterday.  Sorry for any squeamish readers out there.  Luckily, the mouth heals amazingly fast.  My boyfriend in high school had to take his tongue stud out for boot camp when he joined the Army, and it healed over in less than a week.  I need to do some reading to find out exactly why the mouth has these amazing regenerative capabilities.