It's hard to tell people about ED issues, because they really don't know what to say, and I never really know what I expect them to say. And usually even the best-intentioned people come up with remarks that are just awkward and make me want to stuff my shameful body under a rock. But, thankfully, there are some exceptions.
Her reaction touched me much more than I would have expected. She got this radiantly happy look on her face, literally bounced up and down and hugged me, told me how great that was and what an awesome, empowering idea it was to get the recovery tattoo, that I "look great" and she's so proud of me, etc. From some people it might have seemed patronizing or staged, but if you knew her you'd understand, she is the most genuine (to the point of being pretty blunt sometimes) person I've ever met, and she was really and truly thrilled for me. She even acknowledged that it's a process, and understood about "taking it one day at a time." And that kind of rubbed off, and I actually felt happy for myself for a while, in the afterglow of her reaction. Maybe the extra weight does make me look better? Maybe this strengthening body is the one I'm supposed to have? Maybe all of this turmoil is gradually, slowly but surely, building something worthwhile and real? Maybe I can even, heaven forbid, be proud of how far I've come over the past year?
Thank you, Friend, you have no idea how much I needed that today.
8 comments:
It's great that you took that risk to show her your tattoo and explain it to her, and even more great that her response was so positive. How gratifying!
Yes, I loved this story. I have learned that despite all the negative reactions or clueless reactions you can get when you bravely open up, some people actually get it. That is always such a gift.
Those people have really made me examine how I respond when people tell me about their problems, and how I WANT to respond. I think that is one of the positives of having had ED in my life-I am more compassionate, and more okay with just listening instead of solving.
I'm sure that you look better with the extra weight on your body, but that's not even the point of what your friend was celebrating--she was celebrating that you are committing to being here, to pursuing a future, and to being healthy. THAT is the awesome thing!
a) that's really great that you felt you could be honest :)
b) that's a beautiful story. your friend sounds really amazing. people really do act so awkwardly around stuff like that sometimes.. it's so refreshing when someone can just see it for what it is: something to work on just like everyone else.
Thanks, you girls nailed it, what made it significant was that she was happy not so much about the weight but about what it means in terms of taking better care of myself.
One thing I didn't mention, she has some insight into this because she used to be a competitive gymnast. She told me she has never had body issues; she is the most self-assured, confident, comfortable and exuberant person I've ever met. She loves food, works out because it feels good, and pretty much enjoys life to the fullest every day (she's a great role model to have around!), but she has watched people struggle with eating and has seen how devastating it can be to people both physically and emotionally.
Thanks, all of y'all, for the insightful comments as usual. <3
That is so awesome! And, I'd love to steal your idea of a recovery tattoo. I think that's great!
I can feel the warmth of your friend, it´s glowing! I think it´s award for your bravery and frankness. Thank you for sharing this:)
(I am feeling sheepish about my body+tatoo, your posts are really tatoo-inspiring though!)
It's stories like this that remind me how people can surprise us. Kudos for sharing your honesty and an intimate part of your life with her.
Your friend sounds like a wonderful person and one you're lucky to have.
To be able to take this, her words, her character, and distribute them to become a positive voice in your recovery....that's incredible.
It doesn't only show strength from your friend, but strength on your part.
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