So for some reason as soon as I got back to my place in PhD Town and unpacked I had a full-blown ugly-cry anxiety attack.
I'd been feeling good about my body and had been so relaxed about food stuff (sista had a DONUT on the drive today) but suddenly feel like I have the physique of a snow woman. I'm sure it's generalized stress about the semester starting and maybe some relating being here to stress with my adviser, dunno.
If you have ANY "gaining weight is good" messages or insights to share, I could really use them right now.
3 comments:
Gaining weight is good. I have spent the last 2+ years at the highest weight of my life, and can honestly say I feel great about my body. It took a while, but I swear to you I "feel" skinnier than I did 25 pounds ago. I PROMISE. And I don't even worry about it that much. As a bonus, my eye/nerve/chronic pain/dry skin/period problems have essentially disappeared (SISTA OVULATES NOW) (TMI?) (SORRY)
I still think about food and my intake A LOT, but not in a "how can I restrict" way; it's more of a "how can I put the best things in my body" way. Like, my thought process for dinner now is: what combination of foods will give me the most variety and pleasure, given what I've already eaten today/this week? It is thoroughly enjoyable. I think this might be how normal people eat!!!
Love ya to death. You'll get through this.
Oh. And I might also add a gentle reminder that this is weight you RE-gained to an underweight body, not added on top of an already-healthy body. You NEEDED it. Just sayin.
Gaining weight *is* good, even though it's hard. I've also found that the feelings about it can swing wildly. Some days I'm all "yeah, I'm getting stronger and healthier," and some days I feel gross. But mentally, I feel a lot better. My anxiety has gotten better (not gone, of course), and when I'm gaining and doing well with food, my low moods are better also. Similar to Kaylee, I really try to think about my food in terms of what my body is asking for, and what sounds tasty. I'm finally allowing myself to have more fat in my diet if that's what my body is craving. And it actually helps!
I know it's hard. I do know. I'm trying to push through the last bit of gaining I need to do, and I'm eager to be done with it. As much as it's hard at first, it gets easier. It's also the only way to be free of the prison that this disease puts us in. Full mental and physical recovery can't happen without full weight restoration and maintaining there.
You CAN do this, and there are lots of people in your corner to support you along the way :)
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