I'm exhausted and have to wake up to get ready for the airport in less than six hours, so this will be a brief farewell (for now) post. Shipping off in the morning, sort of mixed feelings.
I think I'm a bit burnt out on travel. I've had such a feeling of dread about this trip. Maybe after doing so poorly with self-care on my last few trips to this place, I am starting to get an inherent sense of aversion to going there, because it's become associated with feeling trapped in making myself feel like shit when I should actually be having the time of my life. So there's that. I have a lot of resentment for myself that I get to go to this awesome place and do such cool stuff, and the only things that really make me miserable there are almost entirely of my own doing.
The two assistants going with me this time are younger girls, maybe 3ish years my juniors. That brings up some additional ruminations. 1) I feel more responsible for them than I might have for some of my other field assistants. As usual, there is no professor on this trip and I am the Big Boss. It can bring some degree of pressure to be the one everyone always needs info/instructions from, and I feel sort of protective of this set since they are so young and it's their first time in the tropics. 2) I am also very aware that they will probably be very aware of my eating patterns. There is pretty much zero privacy in the field, so it's hard to hide anything while you're there. That stress could turn out to be positive, as it might make me more likely to eat more normally, to avoid making them uncomfortable or suspicious that I be nutso.
On the plus side, so far zero side effects from the Prednisone, don't even think I'm retaining water. I'd braced myself for the appetite boost, but if anything I've been less hungry than earlier in the week, on the same number of calories. Maybe a tad bit more thirsty than usual, but that's it. Again, major thanks to everyone who chimed in and made me feel better so that I changed my mind about shunning the Rx.
So I guess this is good-bye for now, but I shall return in about a week and a half, don't forget me while I'm gone! Love y'all.
1 comment:
Ah, as if we could forget you. Even when I'm running around like a crazy person and not commenting on other peoples' blogs much I always notice when you're away and not blogging! I hope this trip is easier in terms of self care :)
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