Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Have your PB and eat it too....
Recovery gratitude d'jour: Being able to lick the knife after making a peanut butter sandwich without totally flipping my shit over how many calories I picked up in that blissful tongue swipe. God lipids are great. It's the small things, you know?
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Halloweekend update
Hey everyone. I have been way out of touch with blogland because my schedule right now is pretty overwhelming. I feel like I get a good mix of work and play here, but pretty much every day is super-long, for better or worse. Still LOVING the program and am making a ton of friends.
Randoms in bullet points because I'm crunched for time, as always these days:
-This was the first year I've had a real birthday party since I turned 18 (I'm the big 2-6 now, YIKES). I had SUCH an amazing time that I was on Cloud Nine for days afterwards. I didn't have to buy any of my (many, I'll admit) drinks and got asked to dance by a flattering number of people and generally just really enjoyed everyone's company. Auspicious start to the next year of my life.
-I'm applying for some super high-stakes grants right now (well into the six figures in dollars), and I'm really hoping the reviewers think my project is as awesome as I do.
-Had some major personal drama earlier this week that had me more distressed, stressed, emotionally upended and confused than I've been in a long time. Or since I last tried to break up with Match, I guess, but this was not directly Match-related (LONG story). Granted, I partly brought it on myself and probably needed that kind of jolt as a wake-up call to get back on track. Major gratitude to the reader that listened to my venting/obsessing through the whole thing. I owe you, lady.
-Due to the fact that I have both individual and family history of physiological manifestations of stress, I ended up spending the morning in the campus health clinic yesterday because my stomach was so torn up that I was puking up blood (this was NOT purge-related in any way, I've never dealt with that particular behavior). The doctor just sampled me every which way and told me it was probably just stress, go to the ER if it happens again.
-It hasn't, although my stomach still feels really weird most of the time. Maintaining calories in spite of that.
-I was in the clinic a week or two earlier for some routine bloodwork, and that time I had a male doctor that really drilled me about my ED history (I'm a good girl and put it on the paperwork) and status, and yesterday I had a female doctor that didn't even mention it. That was a relief, but sort of interesting.
-In the midst of all that, things with Match are solid right now. We had a great time on his last visit here, and I'm going there next weekend. I think a lot of this week's turmoil reminded me not to take for granted how absolutely and completely I can trust this guy.
-There is a girl I see at the gym all the time that clearly is entrenched in an ED. It really hurts to see her and ideally there would be some supportive, insightful way to reach out but I just don't know how. I have absolutely no clue how much people might guess about me based on appearances, but I get the death stare from her every time I even walk by, which indicates to me she might still be in the competitive and/or denial stage (I've never really had the competition-trigger component, my crazy is pretty much endogenous, woot, but I've had denial in boatloads). I'm worried about her.
-On ED stuff: no real change to report. Exercise is same, weight is same, general lack of motivation to make changes is the same but at least I'm maintaining. My appetite isn't entirely as non-existent as when I first moved here, but after a rebound spike it fell back to pretty low, so I'm proud of myself for at least maintaining my weight at a time when it would be SO easy to push my intake much lower.
Alright lovelies I've got to run, tons of work to get done before going out Halloween partying tonight. Our costume theme is "Fractured Fairytales", going to FREEZE my "Tinkerbell's Bad Twin" ass off but that's part of it I guess.
Randoms in bullet points because I'm crunched for time, as always these days:
-This was the first year I've had a real birthday party since I turned 18 (I'm the big 2-6 now, YIKES). I had SUCH an amazing time that I was on Cloud Nine for days afterwards. I didn't have to buy any of my (many, I'll admit) drinks and got asked to dance by a flattering number of people and generally just really enjoyed everyone's company. Auspicious start to the next year of my life.
-I'm applying for some super high-stakes grants right now (well into the six figures in dollars), and I'm really hoping the reviewers think my project is as awesome as I do.
-Had some major personal drama earlier this week that had me more distressed, stressed, emotionally upended and confused than I've been in a long time. Or since I last tried to break up with Match, I guess, but this was not directly Match-related (LONG story). Granted, I partly brought it on myself and probably needed that kind of jolt as a wake-up call to get back on track. Major gratitude to the reader that listened to my venting/obsessing through the whole thing. I owe you, lady.
-Due to the fact that I have both individual and family history of physiological manifestations of stress, I ended up spending the morning in the campus health clinic yesterday because my stomach was so torn up that I was puking up blood (this was NOT purge-related in any way, I've never dealt with that particular behavior). The doctor just sampled me every which way and told me it was probably just stress, go to the ER if it happens again.
-It hasn't, although my stomach still feels really weird most of the time. Maintaining calories in spite of that.
-I was in the clinic a week or two earlier for some routine bloodwork, and that time I had a male doctor that really drilled me about my ED history (I'm a good girl and put it on the paperwork) and status, and yesterday I had a female doctor that didn't even mention it. That was a relief, but sort of interesting.
-In the midst of all that, things with Match are solid right now. We had a great time on his last visit here, and I'm going there next weekend. I think a lot of this week's turmoil reminded me not to take for granted how absolutely and completely I can trust this guy.
-There is a girl I see at the gym all the time that clearly is entrenched in an ED. It really hurts to see her and ideally there would be some supportive, insightful way to reach out but I just don't know how. I have absolutely no clue how much people might guess about me based on appearances, but I get the death stare from her every time I even walk by, which indicates to me she might still be in the competitive and/or denial stage (I've never really had the competition-trigger component, my crazy is pretty much endogenous, woot, but I've had denial in boatloads). I'm worried about her.
-On ED stuff: no real change to report. Exercise is same, weight is same, general lack of motivation to make changes is the same but at least I'm maintaining. My appetite isn't entirely as non-existent as when I first moved here, but after a rebound spike it fell back to pretty low, so I'm proud of myself for at least maintaining my weight at a time when it would be SO easy to push my intake much lower.
Alright lovelies I've got to run, tons of work to get done before going out Halloween partying tonight. Our costume theme is "Fractured Fairytales", going to FREEZE my "Tinkerbell's Bad Twin" ass off but that's part of it I guess.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)