Fuzzy

So, there has been a little slippage going on over the past few days.  Maybe more than a little.  Most of it not even conscious, honestly.  I just haven't had an appetite, and being out of my normal class/work routine has made it easy to let eating fall through the cracks.  I paid for it today, though, I was just exhausted and, worst of all, had that fuzzy-headed feeling, couldn't really focus on much, and I was just in a bad mood.  I can handle Empty Stomach, but I hate Empty Brain.

To "celebrate" the last day of the break (is that something to celebrate? doesn't it mean finals are looming? oh well), J. and his roommate had a Wii party.  Has everyone played that wonder that is Wii?  I'm not a big gamer, but this is possibly the most entertaining thing ever.   (Just for the record, even though J. is literally more than twice my size in real life, I routinely kick his virtual ass on Super Smash Brothers!) The controller is amazing, you get to do all kinds of zany actions with it because it works with a motion sensor.  Wii parties are a big fad at my university right now, they're a blast.  If you mix motion sensor games with alcohol and/or caffeine...well, you get the picture, hilarity inevitably ensues...

 I ended up not going, though.  I really just didn't have the mental or physical energy to do anything extra today.  No, missing a video game session isn't that big of a deal, that's not the point.  The main issue is that I hate having regrets, either about something as silly as an afternoon of Wii or about the larger theme of connecting with people.  When I look back at high school I see so many missed opportunities to have fun, reach out, just enjoy being a teenager.  I have wasted so much time/energy over the years, it disgusts me when I stop to think about it.  I have tried not to let the ED rob me of the same things during college, but sometimes it's hard. 

And that is why I'm going to make a determined effort to get back in the saddle tomorrow; with finals coming up I can not afford a crash right now.  Feeling "fuzzy" today was a reminder of why making progress is worth all the stress and anxiety.  Now that I'm used to having more energy and focus, being thrown back towards the terrible way I used to feel all day, every day is a sharp reality check.  Starting back with classes will help, I just have a hard time justifying fueling myself when I'm not in my normal school routine.