Leavin' on a Jet Plane

Yesterday I felt great, today I felt fat and grublike. Even though I actually weighed less this morning than yesterday morning. Go figure. I was determined, though, and stuck to what I had previously planned to eat. I haven't consumed this much in one day in....I don't even know, on the scale of years. I keep telling myself that it's in the normal range for people of my age, but my rational voice is still not quite brawny enough to outscream the taunts of the ED. Work in progress, everything is always a work in progress.

Anyway, it was a good day to have a fat day, I guess, because I had a lot of other things going on to distract me. I did all the last-minute pretravel panic with packing, cleaning, shopping, making arrangements for bills, etc etc etc. I also had to drop my dog off at a friend's house, that was so hard. I probably sound like a big nerd, but that dog is the most precious thing I have, outside of my human family of course. Leaving him in someone else's hands has stressed me out more than anything else about the entire trip. Today was the three year anniversery of when I first got him, actually. I really don't know how I would have made it through some of my low times if I hadn't had something else living in the house that depended on me, at times he has been my only incentive to stay even semi-functional. I guess that sounds very dumb and pathetic, unless you are a dog person also. Even if you aren't a dog person, how could you resist this face?

Tomorrow J. is picking me up at 5:00 to catch the shuttle to the airport, and then it's fieldwork in Central America for the next month. I'm nervous about gaining weight, even though technically I am supposed to be doing that anyway. I'm nervous about losing weight, too. If I get sick and enfeebled I won't be able to pull my share of the work, and I don't want that. I'm nervous about whether the other students at the research station will like me. I'm nervous about making a good impression on the professor. I'm nervous about how I'm going to handle all my nervous, neurotic anxiety when exercising myself into oblivion is no longer an option.

So basically, thoughts are a swirl, but I am used to that. Same song, different verse, right?

I just wanted to thank all the people I have met from the ED-Digest feed and related blogs this summer, I have felt very lucky to meet such insightful, wise, talented people and I have really appreciated the support I've gotten via e-mail and comments. Please take care and have a great rest of the summer, I will catch up with y'all in the fall.

XOXO